SCUMBAG BOLLARDS MUST BE TAKEN OUT
April 18, 2019 Craic & Codology
Am I the only one who feels deeply concerned that, last week, one solitary bollard almost derailed the entire police service of this country? (Great start Pauly! – Ed) It surely beggars belief that the security of every man, woman and child in the state is dependent on these faceless constructions – who are accountable… Read more »
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
THOSE DIVERSE GARDA RECRUITS IN FULL
April 18, 2019 Craic & Codology
12 who don’t take ketchup at all on the burgers 8 skilled at turning on those computer yokes 18 right clever clogs for investigating stuff and that kind of thing 2 corner backs, badly needed 3 foreigners we’re keeping an eye on… 6 Rangers supporters 1 lad with a beard
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
THE SPECTATOR
April 18, 2019 Craic & Codology
Dear Ambassador, Thank you so much for your kind letter. We here at the Spectator always appreciate correspondence from Eire. We thoroughly reject your thesis that our publication has adopted anti-Paddy positions now or in the past. Our editor, Fraser Nelson, is a card-carrying papist and lots of our contributors have those funny apostrophes in… Read more »
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
DREW HARRIS FAVOURITES
April 18, 2019 Craic & Codology
Favourite film: Short Circuit Favourite song: Convoy, C.W. McCall Favourite TV show: Northern Exposure Favourite town: Ramsgate Favourite pub: Break for the Border Favourite car: Escort Favourite band: Guns and Roses Favourite animal: Flipper Favourite body part: Arms Favourite album: Never Mind the Bollards
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
T.V. LISTINGS
April 18, 2019 Craic & Codology
Rome v Republic – RTÉ One, 10.15pm: Neoliberal high priest Michael McDowell looks at how a deeply pernicious cult (the Progressive Democrats) maintained its grip on the Irish body politic for so long. The Great House Revival – RTÉ One, 9.30pm: Join Johnny Ronan as he makes sky-high profits from his latest construction project. Housing… Read more »
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
THOSE ISRAELI ELECTION RESULTS
April 18, 2019 Craic & Codology
JERUSALEM EAST Benjamin Netanyahu (Some Likud Hot Party) 66,600 Benny Gantz (Centrist Blue and White Party) 66,599 Moshe Smitem (Not so Centrist Black and Blue Union) 18,307 Rabbi Avi (Old Testament Party) 14,815 Softi Neissman (Let’s Treat the Palestinians Better Alliance) 9 BETHLEHEM SOUTH Election cancelled due to mysterious absence of electorate. (No change)
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
PETER CASEY’S PLATFORM
April 18, 2019 Craic & Codology
Roma to be removed from Serie A NATO to be given control of Donegal Ireland to replace euro with bitcoin Dragons’ Den theme music to be the new EU anthem Something about 5G Reject all comparisons with UKIP Free PTSD counselling for Gavin Duffy Find out why the D–evil went down to Georgia
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
MERKEL: EU TO ANNEX ARMAGH
April 18, 2019 Craic & Codology
As part of a revolutionary plan to manage its border with the UK, Frau Merkel has announced that the EU is considering annexing what Angela Merkel has referred to as “parts of ze Nordetenlands zat righfully belong to ze Varadkar Republic, namely ze county of Our Ma”. According to Frau Merkel, who was enjoying a… Read more »
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
‘DRAGON’ TO CONTEST EUROS
April 18, 2019 Craic & Codology
Businessman Peter Casey has announced his candidacy for next month’s European Parliament elections. Launching his campaign, the former Dragon promised to be “the voice for rural Ireland”. “Speaking as an ordinary working Joe millionaire,” he said, “and definitely not as an opportunist flaunting fake man-of-the-people credentials, I believe that my policies will resonate with decent, hard-working… Read more »
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-02
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-01
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-03
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-04
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-05
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-06
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-07
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-08
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-09
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-10
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-11
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-12
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-13
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-14
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-15
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
CARTOON 3707-16
April 4, 2019 Cartoons, Craic & Codology
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
VARADKAR GETS TOUGH WITH MERKEL
April 4, 2019 Craic & Codology
By Phil Frontpage IN A move that has already sent shock waves through Europe and the UK, Leo Varadkar has pledged that he will devote all his time and energy into doing everything that Chancellor Merkel tells him. Speaking to reporters in Dublin after meeting Mrs Merkel yesterday, the Taoiseach said that the two leaders… Read more »
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
UK ON BRINK OF EDGE OF PRECIPICE
April 4, 2019 Craic & Codology
by Our Political Staff Cliff Edge THE ENTIRE world held its breath last night as the British Government teetered on the verge of the Brexit endgame. Following months of political uncertainty and bitter in-fighting, the Westminster Parliament has finally reached the make-or-break point in what has been a long and torturous road. It also emerged… Read more »
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
TORY LEADERSHIP LEXICON
April 4, 2019 Craic & Codology
BORIS (noun) upper-class buffoon; slobbering idiot; statesman-like figure capable of occupying the highest political office. Example: “Cripes! Seems like all the others are so awful, there’s a real chance that the next PM could be a real Boris.” LEADSOM (adjective) repugnant; vile; obnoxious; detestable; unbearable. Example: “Everyone agrees that Andrea is completely leadsom – obviously… Read more »
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
STAR PRAISED FOR CHARITABLE GESTURE
April 4, 2019 Craic & Codology
Charity organisations across Ireland were fulsome in their praise for broadcaster Gráinne Seoige last night, as news emerged that the well-known presenter had given shelter to a man with no home of his own for several years. The man, known simply as ‘John D’, or ‘Waterford John’, in order not to protect his identity, would… Read more »
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
JOHN DELANEY – AN APPRECIATION
April 4, 2019 Craic & Codology
So farewell soon, John Delaney, a man who rose without trace A self important egotist, with hardly a saving grace You bought us drinks, but now it’s time to induct you into the Fall from Fame. It’s double yellow, move along. And give us back our game. JOHN DELANEY’S GAFF IN FULL
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
FAI SEEKS CEO
April 4, 2019 Craic & Codology
Due to a recent human resource adjustment, we are now accepting applications for the CEO poser (‘Post,’ surely_Ed). This is a high profile, deeply challenging position, demanding exceptional flexibility and the skills to respond to a crisis even worse than the previous one for as often as it takes. The successful candidate will be proficient… Read more »
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
SPOT THE DIFFERENCE
April 4, 2019 Craic & Codology, Spot the Difference
TENNIS BALL JOHN DELANEY Completely hollow Completely hollow Appears on court Appeared in court Associated with rackets Always causing a racket Bouncy Bounced around the FAI Full of air Full of hot air Takes flight easily Will never take flight from Abbotstown Engineered to reduce drag Enormous drag on Irish soccer Fuzzy texture Fuzzy about… Read more »
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
HOWLIN BACKS CLOCK CHANGE
April 4, 2019 Craic & Codology
LABOUR leader Brendan Howlin has welcomed the decision by the European Parliament to phase out daylight savings time. The Wexford TD claimed that not only would it be good for the economy but it could also boost his ailing organisation. “We in the Labour Party have been trying to turn the clock back for the… Read more »
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
DIGGER STOLEN USING ATM MACHINE
April 4, 2019 Craic & Codology
by our security correspondent Lotta Cashe A digger was stolen in County Fermanagh in the early hours of yesterday. In a statement following the incident, a spokesperson for the PENIS NI said:- “The thieves used an ATM machine, stolen earlier in the day, to access the digger that was parked on a building site beside a… Read more »
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
LOAN DEALS AGREED FOR KASH AND DIMONI
April 4, 2019 Craic & Codology
by our soccer correspondent Dennis Balls Although not qualified to play for Ireland as yet, in demand strikers Grabdi Kash and Boro deMoni have joined two Irish outfits on loan, according to their agent Jon DeLayni. Kash has joined Abbots Town on a short-term two month deal while diMoni has hooked up with JMPHE Waterford… Read more »
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber
O’DONOGHUE REVELLING IN FREEDOM UNDER MICK
April 4, 2019 Craic & Codology
CLASH OF HEADS: Tony after one of his post-match chats with Martin O’Neill IRELAND regular Tony O’Donoghue says he is “relishing” a new-found freedom in his role since Mick McCarthy returned to the reins of the national side. The veteran performer concedes he felt “quite restricted” under former boss Martin O’Neill who, he reveals, “didn’t… Read more »
To access this content, you must be a Phoenix subscriber.
Get access to The Phoenix online for as low as €1.50 per week. Read all the regular online only Phoenix stories AND receive the packed digital edition every fortnight (25 per year). Great value for so many inside stories!
Subscribe Now! I'm a Subscriber