September 19, 2024 Craic & Codology

Michael O’Leary “This government – in particular Eamon ‘Hates Flyin’ Ryan – are even bigger fools than I thought if they don’t instantly use this money to build another four runways at Dublin Airport. If they don’t, this shower clearly don’t give a fiddler’s about growing my bonus – er, I mean, Ireland’s economy.” Rory… Read more »

September 19, 2024 Craic & Codology

Apple has launched a new app allowing multinationals to calculate how much tax they may owe under ECJ rulings. At a glitzy presentation in Silicon Valley, Tim Cook said the product proved hugely effective in totting up the €14 billion Apple owed Ireland in tax. “It’s also helpful for calculating the number of times Irish… Read more »

September 19, 2024 Craic & Codology

Following on from his suggestion to brand Shannon Airport as Shannon (Dublin), the Junior Minister for Going Places, James Clueless, has issued more travel advice on how best to travel to destinations in Ireland. Minister Clueless advises drivers with appointments in Dublin to park the car in Galway and “make your way on foot” to… Read more »

September 19, 2024 Craic & Codology

It wasn’t easy being the greatest Taoiseach of all time. As usual, the papers were full of stories about me supposedly leaking stuff. Didn’t they recognise my unique leadership capabilities? The fact that I’d overseen an unprecedented period of social progress and incredible economic prosperity? As if that wasn’t enough, my concern was Ireland’s growing… Read more »

September 19, 2024 Craic & Codology

GAA still don’t get the point over pay-per-view games Towel to be thrown in on the provincial championships Jarlath Burns denies he’s running for Áras an Uachtaráin Usual suspects to keep hurling criticism at organisation Moving All-Ireland finals to July was terrible solo run Organisation powerless to tackle Sunday Game blandness No penalties for laughing… Read more »

September 19, 2024 Craic & Codology

Britain takes back Rory McIlroy Ireland eases off a bit at Cheltenham RTÉ must take Tubridy back three days a week King Charles to throw in the sliothar for the next 10 All-Ireland hurling finals Michael D’s head to appear on British 50c coins Fine Gael to be gradually subsumed into the British Tory Party… Read more »

September 19, 2024 Craic & Codology

The vape industry is proposing a ban on disposable politicians, with concern mounting about the damaging effects of ‘no use’ TDs. Cheap and addicted to power, the deputies are attempting to appeal to young people ahead of the next election. “Throwaway politicians like Stephen Donnelly need to be tackled,” said an industry insider. “It’s clear… Read more »

September 19, 2024 Craic & Codology

By all broadsheet reviewers To imagine the genius of Sally Rooney’s new novel, Intersnoozo, one must first bring to mind the collected works of Flaubert, Dostoyevsky and Fitzgerald, combine them with Citizen Kane and The Godfather, and then add in the greatness of The Beatles and The Rolling Stones. Such a description almost captures the… Read more »

September 19, 2024 Craic & Codology

Top Gun High-flying motormouth Michael O’Leary sets himself on a collision course with transport minister Eamon Ryan over the issue of passenger numbers. O’Leary’s attacks soon reach kamikaze levels of fanaticism but Ryan is determined to remain on autopilot. Trees A Crowd In order to prove his credentials as a committed environmentalist, Simon Harris decides… Read more »

September 19, 2024 Craic & Codology

Ireland soccer boss Heimir Hallgrimsson has already apologised ahead of next month’s Nations League games against Finland and Greece, with his side expected to lose both to a second half strike from outside the box. Ireland have conceded 14 long-range goals over the past three years, and numbers 15 and 16 are likely to follow… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

Exclusive by all entertainment hacks EVER SINCE the fiery Gallagher brothers split in 2009, fans have been asking, ‘What’s the story?’ (Great opening – Ed.) The volatile siblings defined a generation with hits such as ‘Wonderwall’ and ‘Live Forever’, which feature prominently on Wikipedia. Famously, the reunited Gallaghers also have Irish roots, with their third… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

IN YET another outburst against “unseemly behaviour”, Ryanair guru Michael O’Leary has called for a limit of two complaints per passenger. The irate CEO steamed: “They moan about the leg room and they moan about waiting two years for a refund! “But they’re at their worst when a flight is delayed for five days and… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

HAVING SAID Ireland need a “bastard” in the team, new soccer boss Heimir Hallgrimsson has confirmed he is extending his search for players to the Oireachtas. Though only just in the hot-seat, the Icelandic manager is already impressed with the number of absolute bastards in Irish politics. “The levels of skulduggery in the Dáil are… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

HEALTH MINISTER Stephen Donnelly has again threatened to ban under-16s from accessing social media. In a late-night tweet, he called for immediate action: “The harm being done to young people is a major health emergency that is every bit as bad as smoking. “Popular platforms are filled with damaging trivia and toxic stupidity – and… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

FOLLOWING ON from RTÉ stating that deepfake videos represent a “growing challenge”, online security experts have warned about a fresh scam, with Government TDs attempting to pass themselves off as competent politicians ahead of the next election. “These deputies are hopelessly fake,” said one security insider. “The key giveaway is the robotic delivery of prepared… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

Mary Lou McDonald Has experience of overseeing a dramatic decline in electoral fortunes and so could be the ideal candidate to be the SDLP’s final leader. Simon Harris Familiar with taking over a party on life support. Doug Beattie The recently resigned Ulster Unionist leader looks ready-made for the role given he is already familiar… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

THE SHAMBOLIC handling of the Garda deputy commissioner job vacancy will have disastrous consequences for policing. Justice minister McEntee has serious questions to answer about this latest fiasco – which has got nothing to do with the blameless top brass. What senior officers – and not just those who are very familiar with my work… Read more »