November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary has lavished praise on the airline’s new app, which he said will provide passengers with easier access to their usual standards of customer care. “The app will be completely unresponsive to customer complaints,” said the CEO. “It will allow users to endure the same agonising experience of trying to claim a… Read more »

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

Sinn Féin leader Mary Lou McDonald has enhanced her proposal to Northern Ireland unionists that July 12 could be a ‘St Orange Day’ bank holiday in the event of them committing to a united Ireland. Upping the ante, the potentially future taoiseach has suggested some other incentives to Northern unionists to help grease the wheel:… Read more »

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

Taoiseach Micheál Martin has admitted he is “deeply concerned” at the alarming numbers which have emerged in recent weeks. Hopes that the situation had stabilised have proven to be yet another false dawn, and many backbenchers are now publicly expressing their anxiety over the issue. A source close to NPHET believes the root cause of… Read more »

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

This publication, in common with every other publication in recent times, may on occasion have sought to present communication mogul Denis O’Brien as the ultimate personification of ruthless capitalism, petty grudge-bearing and egotistical self-obsession In retrospect headlines like “The Real Dinny – Writs And All’; ‘Dinny Worse Than Trump?’; and ‘Denis O’Brien Vs Journalism”, may… Read more »

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

Furious TDs have called for further clarity around the reopening of nightclubs, with many deputies saying it is causing unacceptable disruption to their social lives. As the primary engine of Ireland’s night-time economy, TDs maintain they deserve greater respect, as they look to carry out their patriotic duty and plough money into the hospitality sector…. Read more »

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

Micheál Martin The Cork-born ‘special one’ may be looking for ‘a new challenge’ in the near future and his experience in heading up a bunch of chronic under-achievers in recent years would make him a seamless successor to the Norwegian. Daniel Kinahan The Dublin-born exile might just be the man to improve the shots-on-target ratio… Read more »

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

Aviation: Greens’ popularity to come crashing back down to earth Transport: Public hope Stephen Donnelly will be moved out of cabinet Agriculture: Barry Cowen still bitter about being put out to pasture Education: Coalition parties to be taught a lesson at next election Housing: Fine Gael still riddled with cracks and leaks Emissions: Government keep… Read more »

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

Taoiseach Micheál Martin has welcomed the news that hospitality workers will be allowed to retain customer tips under new legislation. “Let’s be honest, seeing as we stubbornly resist introducing a living wage, small coins are the only change the low paid are going to notice under my government,” said the taoiseach. It’s believed Mr Martin… Read more »

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

Ole Gunnar Solskjær We are witnessing the horrific consequences of a worsening climate here, especially here at Old Trafford. Our defence melts away under the slightest bit of pressure and I’m really starting to feel the heat now. Leo Varadkar I can attest that climate change is a real and present danger. The atmosphere among… Read more »

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

Members won’t be charged – unless it’s in relation to January 6 riots No responsibility taken for spread of viruses Beautiful firewall, to be paid for by Mexico Streaming not available in Russian hotels Countless ways to boost your own profile Offensive content will be compulsory

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

COP27: Time To Take Action Location: Miami TBC (Hurricane Dependent) COP28: Ok, Now It’s Really Time To Take Action Location: Amsterdam TBC (Pending Sea Level Rises) COP29: It’s Not Too Late – Why We Haven’t Missed The Time To Take Action Location: Beijing (N.B. Smog Masks MANDATORY) COP30: How Could We Have Seen These Disasters… Read more »

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

Eat a cone while driving the squad Nip into the bookies for 10 minutes extra per shift Equal opportunity for All-Ireland final tickets Feet up on the table at reception Two extra ketchup sachets for burger Ability to ignore 999 calls

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

Joe Got-The-Humphreys Recently, while watching Spongebob Squarepants – a so-called cartoon which putatively entertains the young – I was struck by the essential shallowness of contemporary consumer culture. Central to this malaise is the vacuous consumption of dreary columnists who churn out the same guff week after week. The problem is at its most chronic… Read more »

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

Jeffrey Donaldson I think it is a cowardly move. Even, if you’re the face of a once popular brand, that is increasingly viewed as being past its best and rapidly losing popularity, you should just dig your heels in and fight – or until you’re replaced by an internal coup. Stephen Kenny I think Mark… Read more »

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

Red herrings: Protocol, European Court of Justice etc Sole: What Boris Johnson would sell to stay in power Plaice: DUP have been put in theirs Flounder: Lord Frost’s negotiating strategy Sharks: Tory back-benchers Cold Fish: JeffreyDonaldson Minnows: Micheál Martin, Simon Coveney etc Cod: What British government keep trying to do to EU

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

By Kath Astrophe Ireland’s nightclub owners have warned that the state faces a “cataclysmic labour shortage” in the decades to come unless the strict guidelines pertaining to re-opening their venues are relaxed. “If the punters can’t get up close and dirty with each other they won’t drink as much”, warned one entrepreneurial investor last night…. Read more »

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

The Polish government was inspired to “go it alone” against an “autocratic EU” after seeing footage of a gathering in Danny Healy-Rae’s Kilgaravan pub, contravening a number of Covid-19 restrictions, last summer. A leaked report praises the footage as giving “the Polish government the courage it needed to resist the bullies in Brussels and stand… Read more »

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

Scooter Eamon Ryan Annoy motorists Really annoys motorists Metallic Flakey Excellent balance required Has tendency to veer rightwards Visible on the roads Invisible since entering government Lots of standing required Struggles to stand up for beliefs Fold up easily Folds easily No seat No seat after next election

November 4, 2021 Craic & Codology

Today, I want to unveil the next step in the Facebook journey, which we’ve titled Slippery When Meta. It’s an interactive virtual world that will finally allow Russian troll farms, far-right cranks, conspiracy theorists and data harvesting operations to interact face to face. We believe this will provide a rich and endlessly fascinating online environment,… Read more »

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

IRISH AUTHOR and voice of a generation Sally Rooney is at the centre of a fresh controversy after refusing to allow her latest book to be published in Hebrew in protest at Israel’s Middle East military policies. Rooney’s decision was immediately welcomed by Palestinians living in the occupied Gaza Strip. “In all the excitement of… Read more »

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

Build own colleges in more convenient locations Write own textbooks Devise new syllabus Maybe ask your ma or da to give lectures Sure, do you really need to go to college anyway?

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

Chilling Jeffrey Enjoy a stress-free Halloween by escaping all the ghoulish Halloween protocol by pretending to be the leader of the DUP. Pesky will know immediately that you’re not giving an inch – let alone a bag of treats – and will surely offer you a better deal! Eerie Eamon Terrify your neighbours into thinking… Read more »

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

British prime minister Boris Johnson is coming under huge pressure from his backbenchers to ditch the deeply unpopular DUP. One government MP claimed the DUP were “damaged goods” and should be “sent packing the next time they start barking orders at us”. The issue of chilled meats was believed to be the final straw for… Read more »

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

Alan Kelly It’s absolutely ridiculous to suggest that using Facebook on a regular basis will cause anger and resentment. Virtually everyone who voted for Labour in 2011 developed those feelings towards us, completely independent of social media platforms. Callum Robinson Facebook stands accused of injecting poisonous rhetoric into public discourse. But remember folks, we all… Read more »

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

THE MEDIA world was left reeling last night when it was announced that well-known tourism executive and journalist Nóirín Hegarty had been appointed to head up News Corp’s Irish outposts. “This is a major breakthrough in bringing current affairs to the next level,” said a News Corp spokeswoman for the UK-owned newspaper titles. “Nóirín is… Read more »

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

In common with all other papers, we may in recent times have given the impression that Ireland’s Covid response was unparalleled anywhere in the world. In particular, this view may have been reinforced by headlines such as ‘SMELLS LIKE VACCINE SPIRIT’; ‘COVID CRUSHED BY THE FIGHTING IRISH’; and ‘PANDEMIC SENT PACKING’. However, following the recent… Read more »

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

Fears are growing over the impact supply chain issues will have on the media over the coming weeks and months. Many journalists have reported huge shortages of interesting news stories, resulting in hacks spending massive amounts of time on subjects such as shipping containers, lorries, stevedoring, and Squid Game. One reporter claimed the situation would… Read more »

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

International investment funds are “having a laugh” at the government over its housing strategy, according to zillionaire Der Kaiser ‘Dermot’ Desmond. In a series of ‘private’ letters to ministers, Mr Desmond has made an impassioned plea on behalf of people who are dependent on social housing. “Ruthless opportunists in suits have spent a lifetime making… Read more »

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

The tánaiste has suggested that boosts for his ego may be required as the coalition threatens to disintegrate. With the government currently hopelessly adrift over a variety of issues, from housing and transport to a collapsing health service, Vlad has said his colossal self-regard may need to be reinforced as we head into the winter…. Read more »

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

This was an original show that stood out from the regular fare served up on our channels. Obviously, this is totally contradictory to the values and culture that has brought RTÉ to where it is today. It had to go. – Dee Forbes The idea of two oddball brothers colluding to keep the show on… Read more »

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

Micheál Martin: Halloween has always held a very special place in Fianna Fáil’s heart, seeing as most voters associate us with things like ghost estates, zombie banks, vulture funds, condemned houses and nightmarish poll numbers. Simon Coveney: I’ve very mixed emotions about the festival, to be honest. The spectre of Zapponegate is still haunting me… Read more »

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

Book your tickets now Experience the gut-churning terror of a political freak show, as you enter the disturbing world of Dáil Éireann. With Micheál Martin’s enemies queuing up to stab him in the back, it can only end in a violent bloodbath… Warning: contains scenes which taxpayers may find stomach churning.

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

by Una Malarkey THE CAMPAIGN to have St Brigid’s Day declared a national woke holiday is now unstoppable – thanks, mainly, to myself. This country needs an ultra-potent symbol to double down against pathological male bullies whose only emotional outlet is brutalised repression of all women. The ancient Celtic martyr gifted us with an empowering… Read more »

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

William Shatner Micheál Martin Captain of USS Enterprise Captain of sinking ship Worked with aloof Mr Spock Works with aloof Dr Varadkar Experienced weightlessness Notorious lightweight Rocketed to space Poll numbers are plummeting Touched down safely Forever on shaky ground Trip paid for by Jeff Bezos Always pays tribute to Amazon Defied gravity Oblivious to… Read more »

October 21, 2021 Craic & Codology

A GAA county board is to launch an urgent investigation, after a mass brawl failed to materialise during a club championship game. Spectators were appalled by the scenes, which saw both sides play out a close contest in a sporting manner. Video footage of one incident quickly went viral on social media, showing a full-back… Read more »

October 7, 2021 Craic & Codology

I was delighted to find time in between my hectic schedule working as a minister, and quibbling with the penny-pinching OECD, to pen another of my fabled book reviews. The fanfare that has greeted the release of The Pandora Papers surely marks it as one of the great literary phenomena of our times – eat… Read more »