May 5, 2022 Craic & Codology

Following her narrow points win over Amanda Serrano last weekend, Katie Taylor has declared her ambition to dethrone Micheál Martin. The Corkman remains undefeated in the political lightweight category, despite ferocious competition from Leo Varadkar and Eamon Ryan. “I’ve genuinely never seen such a total lightweight,” the Bray fighter told reporters in Madison Square Garden…. Read more »

May 5, 2022 Craic & Codology

The government is believed to be coming under intense pressure to place a cap on the number of Ukrainian refugee stories in the media. Many have expressed fears that newspapers and broadcast outlets were being swamped with unprecedented numbers of worrying pieces in recent times, and that there was no end in sight. This prompted… Read more »

May 5, 2022 Craic & Codology

Labour leader Ivana Bacik yesterday officially resigned her position as associate professor at Trinity College Dublin. “After being involved in the cut and thrust of university politics at Trinners, it’s just a fairytale come true to get away from the madding crowd and relax in sunny Sandymount. I’m just speechless – well, almost,” said Bacik…. Read more »

May 5, 2022 Craic & Codology

Green Party leader Eamon Ryan moved to reassure rural Ireland that he is “not turphobic”, after coming under increasing pressure from rural politicians. “A lot of people accuse me of being out of touch with the common as muck every man,” said Ryan, “However, I understand their concerns. The consumption of bog products for nourishment… Read more »

May 5, 2022 Craic & Codology

Following on from his $44bn Twitter buyout, Elon Musk has ruled out a similar move for RTÉ, saying its presenters’ salaries makes it financially unfeasible. The controversial entrepreneur and investor has also clarified that he doesn’t intend to take over the Department of Health. “I’m only worth $200bn and couldn’t meet the wage demands,” tweeted… Read more »

May 5, 2022 Craic & Codology

Katie Taylor It’s disappointing these two don’t want to fight their corner but everybody knows Stephen Donnelly has been on the ropes for ages. I think Robert Watt is certainly punching above his weight when it comes to salary, though. Boris Becker Accountability is vitally important for those of us who are in positions of… Read more »

May 5, 2022 Craic & Codology

CRITICS OF the controversial legislation presented by employment minister Leo Varadkar have repeated their concerns that the proposals are stacked heavily in favour of businesses rather than workers. Varadkar has, however, hit back by accusing workers’ representatives of being unrealistic. “What I’m proposing is carefully designed to ensure that the country’s early-rising employees can have… Read more »

May 5, 2022 Craic & Codology

You will need: 2 smirks A punnet of mushrooms A dollop of self-deprecation (just a smidgin – err on the side of caution here) Method: Add all the ingredients and then stir the pot. Don’t forget to add plenty of spice to this! Cooking tip: beware of hot water when making this! Best of all,… Read more »

May 5, 2022 Craic & Codology

In his most chilling warning yet, Vladimir Putin has said the west runs the risk of ending up like the Irish women’s rugby team if it continues to provoke Russia. The girls in green have suffered a series of mortifying humiliations in their Six Nations campaign, including a 69-0 reversal to England, and Putin has… Read more »

May 5, 2022 Craic & Codology

ARE IRELAND’S leading papers and news websites paying too much attention to Ed Sheeran, the greatest singer-songwriter of all time? That is the question the editor has just asked me to write 2,000 words on – and in less than the time it took him to pen … (subeditor, stick in a song title here)…. Read more »

May 5, 2022 Craic & Codology

Fears were growing within the Fine Gael party last night that the DPP file on tánaiste Leo Varadkar’s disclosure of a confidential government document to a bloke he saw waiting for a bus (Surely respected medical professional?! – Ed) could also contain “a litany of other revelations which left investigators reeling,” including: Slinging mud at… Read more »

May 5, 2022 Craic & Codology

United Kingdom Boris Johnson’s performance over recent months has come in for heavy criticism, with accusations that he is hopelessly out of tune. He will be singing his version of the classic Eddie Murphy song Party All the Time. France Emmanuel Macron will represent his nation once again even though many French people didn’t want… Read more »

May 5, 2022 Craic & Codology

Readers face a major hike in gas and electricity fillers in the coming days, with the supply line of decent stories having dried up. “With the spiralling Ukraine crisis, and the threatened outbreak of World War 3 all seeming a bit overwhelming, we’ve instead decided to commit the majority of our reporters to wildly speculating… Read more »

May 5, 2022 Craic & Codology

Micheál Martin has said he is deeply uncomfortable with the “witch hunt” that is developing around Robert Watt. Department of Health secretary-general Watt has faced criticism over a lack of engagement with a committee investigating the now aborted secondment of Tony Holohan to Trinity College. This prompted the taoiseach to warn against any attempt to… Read more »

May 5, 2022 Craic & Codology

Gardaí are continuing their investigations into a series of fires at the site of the new National Children’s Hospital. Detectives believe the blazes may have started as a result of large amounts of money been thrown on a bonfire at the health facility. Health minister Stephen Donnelly said he was bitterly disappointed with the conflagrations… Read more »

April 20, 2022 Craic & Codology

Following a series of bungled appointments, the government has taken the unprecedented step of apologising in advance for its next debacle. The cabinet has accepted that there is likely to be another mortifying embarrassment before the end of the year, promoting the taoiseach to order an immediate external review. “Though it hasn’t yet occurred, we… Read more »

April 20, 2022 Craic & Codology

An ominous mood of dread and fear was spreading across Ireland’s news desks last night as US law enforcement agencies continued their measures to dismantle the Kinahan cartel. “This vicious ratcheting-up of sanctions will only end in untold misery for innocent people”, said one anguished hack. “How do I tell my wife that we have… Read more »

April 20, 2022 Craic & Codology

by Our Man in Moscow, Spin Doctor Zhivago Who is he – the dynamic new head of Russia’s victorious forces in Ukraine? General Alexander Dvornikov replaces Major Igor Lunatiokov as commander-in-chief with immediate effect. The appointment has been welcomed warmly throughout political circles. President Putin said: “My old friend Alex is a breath of fresh… Read more »

April 20, 2022 Craic & Codology

Eamon Ryan People need to realise the terrible damage that mining coal has on the environment. We in the Greens know what it’s like to keep plunging new depths, knowing full well it’s only a matter of time before the walls cave in. Jeffrey Donaldson The DUP will never apologise for relying on fossils or… Read more »