July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

Garda Commissioner Drew Harris has given his solemn promise that he will personally apply his investigative skills to DuPlantier case now that a new review has been opened. Commissioner Harris explained that Garda resources we’re being efficiently allocated to get to the heart of the matter, with a new TV, leather couch and Netflix subscription… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

By Pat Squeaky Finance minister Paschal Donohoe has vowed that September’s budget will strike a balance between hopelessly inadequate attempts to address the cost-of-living crisis, and desperate efforts to revive the flatlining government. “We’re looking to create a bit more fanfare around budget day. We’re thinking about turning the whole affair into a festival like… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

European Union officials have expressed grave concerns at the terms and conditions of Boris Johnson’s proposed withdrawal agreement. The Prime Minister recently outlined a strategy that would see him exit the role on a phased basis, which Downing Street describes as “a process not an event”. This has prompted many hardliners within the EU to… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

Gemma O’Doherty and John Waters have criticised the dismissal of their action against Covid-19 emergency pandemic restrictions passed in the Oireachtas in 2020. They had accused the government of creating a draconian regime “akin to martial law”. In a statement issued last night, the two former journalists repeated their claim that unnecessary legislation had subjected… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

An overwhelming majority of gardaí have welcomed plans to install a new €13.5m logging and recalling system for the force, which is set to be rolled out nationwide in the coming years. “The fact that it synchronises data across all platforms simultaneously is a godsend”, said a smiling desk garda in the midlands in a… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

Following on from the news that NASA has lost contact with a spacecraft headed for the moon, the space agency is also now unable to determine what planet the Irish government is living on. Many in the cabinet believe they are on top of the countless crises currently facing the country, leaving NASA scientists to… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

The government has signalled it will tackle the cost-of-living crisis in the budget, as TDs and senior public servants struggle to meet the costs of five-star hotels and Michelin-starred restaurants. There are even growing fears that some leading politicians may have to forgo lavish, all-expenses-paid foreign junkets. There are hopes that the restoration of the… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Cliffs of Mohair Rock of Cashless Blarney Stone Broke Skintkenny Castle The General Pissed Office

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

US President Joe Biden has vowed to “furiously avail of every platitude and cliché” at his disposal, following the US Supreme Court’s overturning of Roe v Wade. As several major US cities were engulfed in protest Biden that he will “not hesitate to continuing doing nothing” following the seismic decision. “On the bright side, the… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

by Philippa Column TÁNAISTE Leo Varadkar has defended his recent Dáil row with Pearse Doherty, saying it was simply a matter of “self-defence”. “I’ve always believed that some things are just too important to play party politics with,” said Mr Varadkar yesterday, “and one of those is discrediting opposition TDs in an attempt to win… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Leo Fancies himself to be The King but is rapidly losing popularity among his fans. Eamon Critics of this crooner have been demanding a little less conversation and a lot more action. Micheál After hitting a series of bum notes, and known to be planning to leave the stage, this hounded dog looks ghetto-bound.

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Céad Míle Charges A group of naive tourists visit Connemara with the intention of looking at the world famous sheep but are instead fleeced from the very moment they arrive in Ireland. Contains scenes of price gouging and blood boiling. Trading Places A corporate highflyer (Michael O’Leary) is brought crashing back down to earth when… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Dear Mr Ryan, On behalf of American travellers, I wish to express my increasing concerns about the unacceptable 8-hour queues at Dublin Airport. These are seriously damaging Ireland’s reputation as an attractive and expensive destination. In my opinion, it’s time for you to do something. Hank Yank   Dear Hank, As Minister for Transport, I… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Do you get lost for words when the conversation turns to the state of the nation? Does your lack of insight into national emergencies leave you feeling inferior in social gatherings? Do you ache to impress others with your no-nonsense summarising? Let the Michael D Fast Response Card save your blushes!! Each card has a… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Ryanair could face a large increase in refund applications in the months and years ahead after customers travelling through Dublin airport came face to face with Michael O’Leary at the security desk. “He wasn’t near as scary in the flesh as he looks on the tele”, said mum of three Cynthia from Cork. “I was… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Following his inevitably disappointing end to the US Open, an exceptionally bullish Rory McIlroy has promised that he is “100%” committed to getting his excuses back on track. Despite being one of the best-known golfers on the planet, McIlroy has not had a convincing major excuse since 2014. “Over the years I’ve always produced what… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Following the Tories’ humiliating bye-election defeats, Boris Johnson has said that “now is the time to listen, learn, and try to desperately deflect with more guff about the Northern Ireland protocol”. “If this result tells us anything, it’s that voters are outraged by Simon Coveney’s ludicrous demands on behalf of the Irish government,” Johnson insisted… Read more »