August 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

Members of the Irish far-right have defended organising what they are labelling as a “lively and spirited al fresco debate around the merits of immigration” in Belfast city centre last weekend. Dave O’Hooligan, a spokesperson for the nativist party People of Ireland Stand Strong (PISS), described the occasion as a “frank and robust exchange of… Read more »

August 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

Fianna Fáil members say they are “delighted but not surprised” by the polished performances of Siobhán Haughey at the Paris Olympics. Representing Hong Kong, the grand-niece of former FF leader Charlie Haughey took bronze in the 100m freestyle swim. “Charlie would have been so proud to see how adept Siobhán was at ducking and diving… Read more »

August 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

by PD O’Phile THE GALWAY diocese is considering moving the remains of Bishop Eamonn Casey from the cathedral crypt after new revelations of child abuse levelled against him. In a statement, Bishop Michael Digman said that the issue required a suitable period of careful reflection and consultation – mainly with Vatican HQ. “The fact that… Read more »

August 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

Blueshirt Exodus This noisy outfit are known for their incessant wailing and a string of dreadful records such as ‘Children’s Hospital’ and ‘Housing Crisis’. New frontman Simon Harris is hoping to claw back some former fans but music lovers, much like Fine Gael TDs, are rushing for the exits. Sour Grapes Contains disgruntled members of… Read more »

August 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

Speculation has been rife that RTÉ may be planning to allow Ryan ‘Tub$’ Tubridy back on air. Suspicions began after the Government announced an injection of €725m into the RTÉ coffers. “As soon as I heard the massive figures I thought, You-Know-Who is coming back,” sighed one concerned licence-fee payer. “Unless Ray D’Arcy is doing… Read more »

August 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

Greetings, a chara, the president of Iran, I lift my pen so I can say holla! And that I am a fan Of both you and that man They call the wonderful Ayatollah!

August 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

THE CONTROVERSIAL new Kneecap movie, based on the rise and rise of the west Belfast Irish-language hip-hop trio, has already taken cinema audiences by storm. Since its release last night, thousands of ecstatic journalists have been queuing up to get their reviews and filler articles into print. “We just can’t get enough of Kneecap,” said… Read more »

August 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

Following on from the news that the Saipan saga is to be made into a film starring Steve Coogan, there is increasing speculation that more films will be made about the travails of the FAI, with industry insiders even speculating the association has provided sufficient material to become its own genre. “The only drawback is… Read more »

August 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

President Higgins: Edna O’Brien was one of the first great writers (along with myself) to provide a voice to the female Irish experience and together we truly transformed their status. She wasn’t a gifted poet, of course. But then, there are so very few of us around. John Banville: Edna has always been there for… Read more »

August 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

Following the ignominious unveiling of a waxwork of Sinéad O’Connor, other waxworks have been removed after a public outcry over the lifeless models. Dozens of TDs and senators are set to be go deep storage after it became apparent many were standing on ceremony, earning massive salaries and expenses, despite standing still and doing literally… Read more »

August 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

There was widespread jubilation throughout Ireland as a six-year investigation conducted by the High Court into INM found no breaches of company law. “We are delighted that this, exonerating report will do nothing to alter people’s pre-existing opinions of Denis O’Brien and INM,” said one exultant citizen.

July 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

There was a growing sense of alarm last night after anti-immigration protestors failed to riot or set fire to a planned site to house asylum seekers. As concern mounted in Government circles and amongst the Gardai, it is now generally acknowledged that as much as one week could elapse with anti-immigration protestors causing further outmayhem… Read more »

July 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

President Joe Biden has expressed concerns about Rory McIlroy’s ability to continue at the highest level following a string of embarrassing performances. The US leader made the intervention following the Down man’s disastrous display at the British Open where he sensationally failed to make the cut, urging McIlroy to follow his lead and know when… Read more »

July 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

IN A shock announcement last night, Minister of State for European Affairs Jennifer ‘Thatcher’ MacNeill, called for defence spending to be doubled to €3bn “so we can defend our borders from invasion”. She told reporters, “Putin and his fellow warmongers must be confronted before it is too late – which is why we should prepare… Read more »

July 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

Donald Trump has sent his best wishes to new Irish soccer boss Heimir Hallgrimsson, with the US presidential candidate acknowledging the steep challenges the Icelandic manager faces in his new role. Although Trump has so far been convicted of a felony and survived an assassination attempt in 2024, he insists the last six months have… Read more »

July 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

After a long emotional journey – most of it spent watching our midfield pass sideways and backwards – the time has now come to end my time as England boss, which saw me place a huge emphasis on traditional English football values, ie, failing to win a major trophy. It has also been a time… Read more »

July 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

Simon Harris – Acrobatics Is expected to do extremely well in the acrobatics event owing to his ability to perform political stunts at the drop of a hat. His verbal gymnastics are unparalleled but serious doubts remain about his ability to get to grips with anything serious. Micheál Martin – Athletics Still giving his opponents… Read more »

July 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

Housing: Darragh O’Brien will continue talking absolute bull (dog) Waste: Coalition always fouling up everything Grooming: More Fine Gael TDs getting their coats Temperament: Greens continue to lack any bite Microchipping: Jack Chambers looking completely lost Breeding: Government telling tall tails about budget Exercise: Rents and property prices continue to run amok

July 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

Luke ‘Ming’ Flanagan: Von der Liar is a total disgrace! Still no word about establishing a decent EU drugs strategy. In the interests of balance, though, she has a strong record on arming Ukraine and supporting mass murder in Gaza. Barry Cowen: Fianna Fáil don’t engage in cynical voting just to be as populist as… Read more »

July 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

Former Minister, Alan Shatter, has announced his latest erotic novel, titled ‘Inheritance: Keeping It In The Family’. Extracts of the yarn, which recounts the story of one young woman struggling to get her hands on a semi, but instead being repeatedly screwed by the taxman, have been appearing in opinion pages recently.

July 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

Local residents have urged Dublin City Council to refuse Google Ireland’s plans for a new pub at the tech giant’s Boland’s Mill campus. “People fear that a new Google pub will attract gangs engaging in undesirable social media behaviour,” said a local householder. “Imagine all those software engineers talking excitedly in Google acronyms with their… Read more »

July 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

The third Thursday was always the favourite day of the month. That was when we had chicken. Mawma would send me and my siblings out at dawn to walk the 65 miles to the nearest Ohio chicken farm, pausing only to nibble on some road signs or trees for breakfast on the way and taking… Read more »