June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

Northern Ireland politicians from all sides have met with the visiting US delegation led by senior Democrat, Dick Neal. “We want to see a quick solution to the current protocol impasse,” said congressman Neal. “And this delegation includes experts on trade who can sort out any post-Brexit problems.” One leading anti-protocol activist, however, immediately voiced… Read more »

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

by Our Entire Staff WHY-OH-WHY does the media focus so much on the Leaving Cert at this time every year? The relentless newspaper frenzy is subjecting students and their parents to unbearable pressure. Surely students should be allowed to sit their exams in peace and just get on with the rest of their lives. We… Read more »

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

By A Hack It is fair to say that 20 years ago the war in Saipan set Ireland back as a country to the immediate post-Famine years. (Great start! – Ed). As Roy Keane walked his dog in Manchester, cars and bicycles lay abandoned across Ireland, as the nation gathered around bar counters for updates… Read more »

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

Micheál Martin They were extremely popular in the 70s and 80s but have absolutely zero relevance to the current generation. I think it’s important for groups to realise when their time’s up and to accept their waning popularity. Rory McIlroy I’m actually very jealous they can send their holograms to perform in places where they… Read more »

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

By Dee Pressing A further 590 cases of monkeypox stories have been identified overnight as the scourge of reports shows no sign of abating. The latest figures bring the total number of alarming headlines to more than 1,000 since the first outbreak of news of the disease. The stories are transmitted through close contact with… Read more »

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

‘Golden Lion’ worshipped by voters (in China) “Down with Nato war-mongers!” “And all EU hairdressers!” “Too busy self-promoting to have time for romance” Distraught ‘Irish Times’ hacks Platonic bit that likes Clare Daly

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

Following reports that some oireachtas members are sleeping in cars due to a lack of hotel space in Dublin, some politicians have slammed the vehicles they are expected to sleep in. One outraged TD asked: “Am I expected to sleep like a pleb in my Lamborghini? Do people have any idea how little those seats… Read more »

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

The Irish Times is delighted to unveil its stylish new website design, which will offer even more essential content that will remain unread. Among the brilliant new features are Southside Latte Guide, Private School Power Rankings, and a Schools Rugby microsite. There will also be exclusive premium content, including tons more lifestyle fillers and fresh… Read more »

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

Documents leaked to nosey hacks highlight the government’s concern that the arrival of desperate Ukrainian refugees into towns and cities across the country poses a risk to social integration. There have already been numerous reports of heated arguments in several Dublin pubs, especially after a few, about the influx of foreigners crowding into towns and… Read more »

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

Wonderful to see a down-to-earth Irish billionaire trying to better himself. I’d be delighted to pass on what I know about the rub of the green to Mr O’Brien if he contacts me. Michael Lowry TD, Tipperary Golf is one of the greatest threats to mankind’s survival! Maintaining golf greens with petrol-driven mowers causes greenhouse… Read more »

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

Tánaiste Leo Varadkar has defended his decision not to participate in a lavish foreign junket complete with accommodation in a four-star hotel. During questions in the Dáil, Varadkar said he only stayed in the country to do some work due to exceptional circumstances. “Normally I am engaged in the gruelling business of flying to Davos… Read more »

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

Jeffrey Donaldson to continue speaking out of both sides of his mouth Gregory Campbell forced to eat his curried wordsSigns pointing towards change: DUP to continue fighting about semantics Tory MPs to be rendered speechless Arlene Foster babbling about nonsense

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

With the UK having introduced mandatory calorie counts on restaurant menus, new poll findings show increasing support in Ireland for politicians’ output to be accompanied with a similar warning. With waffly interviews, saccharine social media posts, and hammy TV appearances all on the increase, public health experts have warned that now is the time to… Read more »

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

Boris Johnson Civil liberties groups have raised concerns but I think it’s all just a storm in a teacup. As someone who is naturally two-faced, it’s very unlikely that I would be nabbed by it, so I don’t think I have anything to worry about. Leo Varadkar This whole thing sounds like a white elephant… Read more »

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

A POPULAR Love Ireland contestant has described Instagram celebrity influencer Shaughna Phillips as “an absolute delight” after they appeared together on a British breakfast television chat show recently. Sinn Féin leader Mary Lou McDonald bonded straight away with fun-loving Shaughna when they met in the Good Morning Britain green room jacuzzi. Shaughna was on the… Read more »

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

Executives at football’s governing body FIFA say allegations of match-fixing in the League of Ireland are “a matter of huge concern” to the organisation. “Bribery, corruption and such behaviour in any jurisdiction and at any level is always of interest to us”, said one senior official. “The big questions are, who was involved, how many… Read more »

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

Maths: Q1: Calculate to the nearest day how long it would take a family of five with two suitcases each to get from their taxi to the departure lounge at Dublin airport if they get caught up in a fight. Q 2: Estimate to the nearest mile, how long the queue would be if every… Read more »

June 2, 2022 Craic & Codology

By Liz Truss Twenty four years ago, people across Ireland endorsed the Good Friday Agreement, as I am reliably informed by Wikipedia. This marked the end of decades of instability, which we are currently doing our best to revive with our spectacularly ham-fisted approach. From Partygate to Nadine Dorries, the UK government is now committed… Read more »