August 11, 2022 Craic & Codology

Taoiseach Micheál Martin has promised the public this week that, despite the ongoing Ukraine crisis, Ireland’s journalists will work tirelessly to ensure there will be no shortage of articles about gas, oil and the supply chain this winter. Minister for Public Expenditure and Reform Michael McGrath has said that this year’s budget will include a… Read more »

August 11, 2022 Craic & Codology

Deposit on a house in Dublin Pay interest on loans for National Children’s Hospital Seven foreign excursions for St Patrick’s Day Few road grants for Kilgarvan to keep the Healy-Raes onside after election Keep Green Party ministers flying first class Fill up State cars with petrol for a month

August 11, 2022 Craic & Codology

by Bill Board AGEING ROCKSTARS U2 have defended their plans to rock out on the Las Vegas strip next year, when the band is to open the new MSG Sphere. Said frontman Bono: “The whole rock thing is really a marathon, not a race – especially after 40 years at the top, which means this… Read more »

August 11, 2022 Craic & Codology

Following on from the controversy over judicial appointments, the UAE has moved to distance itself from the Irish judiciary, saying it no longer “wishes to be associated with such a regime”. The furore arose after Irish judges were accused of “UAE-washing” as they attempted to use a petrostate to camouflage their outrageous salaries and the… Read more »

August 11, 2022 Craic & Codology

Vlad Coin Showed some early promise but is now considered to be absolutely worthless. Its tendency to always come up a day late and a dollar short has meant those who invested heavily in it were made to look very foolish. Labour Coin Has struggled to gain any popularity or momentum since it sold out… Read more »

August 11, 2022 Craic & Codology

The Government has welcomed the decision of several retailers to remove best-before dates from some of their products. Experts agree that food waste has become a huge problem and the coalition hopes this new initiative will help to boost the popularity of its politicians. “The Cabinet is very stale at the moment and regularly leaves… Read more »

August 11, 2022 Craic & Codology

Report all potential hazards (trade unions etc) Ship all profits overseas Shelve plans for toilet breaks Refuse to take stock of criticism Ensure workers always feel the heat Emergency exit to be used when tax breaks run out

August 11, 2022 Craic & Codology

SUMMER FUN is on offer here as a hapless ministerial fantasist (played by Eamon Ryan) hits gullible taxpayers with the Government’s latest made-up MetroLink plan figures. He even insists that the multi-billion euro megaproject isn’t just another blatant election stunt! It’s a mad ride with a cast of crazy characters intent on wasting money faster… Read more »

August 11, 2022 Craic & Codology

What number do you text? – 101010 What do you have to do? – Text RTÉWORKER followed by your name and PPS number. Is it free? – Given our mounting bills, no, of course not. It costs just €20 per text. Any complaints? – Contact your ombudsman, or talk to Joe on…

August 11, 2022 Craic & Codology

By Moss Cow and Len N Grad Russian ambassador to Ireland Yuri Filatov has reiterated his praise for the letter on the war in Ukraine written to the Irish Times by Ireland’s ‘First Lady’ Sabina Higgins. The ambassador stated: “This insightful missil… er, missive, agrees that Russia had no choice but to launch its peaceful… Read more »

July 28, 2022 Craic & Codology

This month’s record temperatures have ignited the latent climate anxiety of Irish journos, leading to an explosion of articles across the nation’s papers about how someone should do something about this. This crisis has even spread to columnists who rarely talk about anything more important than how their child’s cello recital went on Tuesday. These… Read more »

July 28, 2022 Craic & Codology

The Taoiseach has sought to defend plans to allow employees to work beyond the age of 66 to top up their state pension. Said the weary Taoiseach: “Anyone not fortunate enough to have a generous minister’s pension to look forward to upon retirement could find themselves struggling. This plan will help these poor souls top… Read more »

July 28, 2022 Craic & Codology

With the autumn season approaching, cash-strapped RTÉ is still seeking sponsors for some of its so-called flagship shows. Several corporate match-ups are thought to be in the mix. Today with Clare Byrne: Apple The ubiquitous ‘apple’ logo would be the perfect symbol for RTÉ’s favourite presenter. A winning combination of cool consumer branding and also… Read more »

July 28, 2022 Craic & Codology

The government has announced plans for a hefty increase in defence spending, as it continues to sustain relentless fire on all sides. Hopelessly adrift on a variety of issues, the coalition is running out of ammo to combat its countless critics. Adding to the sense of chaos, internal warfare is now threatening to break out… Read more »

July 28, 2022 Craic & Codology

Commission to find out why voters are fleeing to Mary Lou McDonald and Sinn Féin Micheál Martin to try and prevent FF TDs falling overboard when it’s Leo Varadkar’s turn Simon Harris to investigate how many people are in Helen McEntee’s camp EU to continue to provide asylum to political deadwood from Ireland Dedicated team… Read more »

July 28, 2022 Craic & Codology

As Fianna Fáil’s poll ratings continue to tank, a record high temperature has been recorded at a meeting of the party’s backbenchers. Meteorologists say the climate was severely hostile to Micheál Martin, with some calling on the party leader to lay out a timetable for his departure, before “our credibility goes up in flames”. “There… Read more »

July 28, 2022 Craic & Codology

The tripartite crises of inflation, the climate and Tory leadership have caused the European Establishment of Journalists Interested in Topical Stories (EEJITS) to announce that they are lowering their interest rates in the Ukraine War until “we’ve milked everything out of these wildfires, or Putin increases his brutality”. While the EEJITS insisted that the ongoing… Read more »

July 28, 2022 Craic & Codology

The government’s economic policies are accelerating the move towards a cashless society, as inflation and the cost-of-living crisis leave more and more people without any cash. Economists now believe that at current rates, Ireland will be a completely cashless society by Xmas. “Ireland is the vanguard when it comes to cashless societies,” said one analyst…. Read more »