September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

Exclusive by all entertainment hacks EVER SINCE the fiery Gallagher brothers split in 2009, fans have been asking, ‘What’s the story?’ (Great opening – Ed.) The volatile siblings defined a generation with hits such as ‘Wonderwall’ and ‘Live Forever’, which feature prominently on Wikipedia. Famously, the reunited Gallaghers also have Irish roots, with their third… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

IN YET another outburst against “unseemly behaviour”, Ryanair guru Michael O’Leary has called for a limit of two complaints per passenger. The irate CEO steamed: “They moan about the leg room and they moan about waiting two years for a refund! “But they’re at their worst when a flight is delayed for five days and… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

HAVING SAID Ireland need a “bastard” in the team, new soccer boss Heimir Hallgrimsson has confirmed he is extending his search for players to the Oireachtas. Though only just in the hot-seat, the Icelandic manager is already impressed with the number of absolute bastards in Irish politics. “The levels of skulduggery in the Dáil are… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

HEALTH MINISTER Stephen Donnelly has again threatened to ban under-16s from accessing social media. In a late-night tweet, he called for immediate action: “The harm being done to young people is a major health emergency that is every bit as bad as smoking. “Popular platforms are filled with damaging trivia and toxic stupidity – and… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

FOLLOWING ON from RTÉ stating that deepfake videos represent a “growing challenge”, online security experts have warned about a fresh scam, with Government TDs attempting to pass themselves off as competent politicians ahead of the next election. “These deputies are hopelessly fake,” said one security insider. “The key giveaway is the robotic delivery of prepared… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

Mary Lou McDonald Has experience of overseeing a dramatic decline in electoral fortunes and so could be the ideal candidate to be the SDLP’s final leader. Simon Harris Familiar with taking over a party on life support. Doug Beattie The recently resigned Ulster Unionist leader looks ready-made for the role given he is already familiar… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

THE SHAMBOLIC handling of the Garda deputy commissioner job vacancy will have disastrous consequences for policing. Justice minister McEntee has serious questions to answer about this latest fiasco – which has got nothing to do with the blameless top brass. What senior officers – and not just those who are very familiar with my work… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

• Showbiz ambitions stalled? • Media career meandering? • Tired of dancing to the wrong tune? Why not run for Fianna Fáil at the next General Election? Whether your ‘talent’ leans towards the dramatic, making a song and dance or participating in hilarious farce, we guarantee you a place in the spotlight! So don’t just… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

AS SCHOOLS open their doors for the next academic year, chronic teacher shortages risk leaving countless classes with unqualified staff members. “Young teachers simply can’t afford to live here and so are off working in Dubai,” said education minister Gormless Foley. “Over recent years, I’ve relied on students to fill vacancies but I’ve now been… Read more »

September 5, 2024 Craic & Codology

• How soon can I get pissed after getting my results? You might want to give it a bit of time, especially if you’ve been up playing Call Of Duty continuously for the last 36 hours. • Can you get me an Oasis ticket? No, although they might be available closer to the gigs, possibly… Read more »

August 22, 2024 Craic & Codology

Australian popstar and Leo Varadkar superfan dedicated her headline performance at last weekend’s Electric Picnic to her “idol”, the former Fine Gael leader and ex-taoiseach. Addressing the crowd on Sunday, Kylie said: “Anyone who tells you to never meet your hero has clearly never met Leo Varadkar. I’ll never forget how, back in 2019, he… Read more »

August 22, 2024 Craic & Codology

The World Health Organization has issued a grave new warning over the rise in ‘poxy politics’, with Ireland said to be especially vulnerable to the virus. The threat is only expected to grow as the general election nears, with voters set to experience intense feelings of nausea as TDs make their usual empty promises. “It… Read more »

August 22, 2024 Craic & Codology

Taoiseach Simon Harris has vowed to “get tough” with social media giants, with a series of hard-hitting measures that leading tech companies are set to completely ignore. In a strongly worded TikTok post, the Taoiseach vowed: “I am intent on tackling abuse on social media platforms – as soon as I can get them to… Read more »

August 22, 2024 Craic & Codology

Exclusive ‘Running From Reality’ extract IMAGINE MY self-satisfaction as my new friend led me into his lavish taoiseach’s office and begged me to be housing minister. “The others are completely useless,” he confided. “And try growing a posh hipster beard to attract younger voters.” Amazingly, just three years later, his enduring trust in me was… Read more »

August 22, 2024 Craic & Codology

Gráinne Seoige’s background in light entertainment makes her an ideal Fianna Fáil election candidate, according to party sources. Given the recent speculation about Seoige seeking an FF nomination in Galway West, her experience with lightweight, fluffy subject matter is seen as a major advantage. “She is very comfortable with throwaway topics no one takes seriously,”… Read more »

August 22, 2024 Craic & Codology

Continuing the fast-paced travel series with Clare man Davy Fitzgerald as he looks to visit and work in every county in Ireland, this week the intrepid sportsman stops off in County Antrim. While there, he tutors locals on how best to use a stick in combat, drawing on his vast experiences of coming off second… Read more »

August 22, 2024 Craic & Codology

Cross-cultural Communication Based at the Belfast campus, participants are immersed in a very intense atmosphere where every aspect of racial and religious diversity is examined by some very classless individuals. Expect plenty of testing situations and a high degree owf boorishness. Healthcare HSE officials will guide undergrads on their scholarly journey as they learn how… Read more »

August 22, 2024 Craic & Codology

Dangers Allowance  Knife in the back from party colleague €300 Getting it in the neck from constituents €200 Rug being pulled out from under €500 Getting kicked up the arse at elections €850 Ambushed on Morning Ireland €400 Tongue-lashed by a Healy-Rae €800 Knocked off high horse by voters €450 Dragged kicking and screaming into… Read more »

August 22, 2024 Craic & Codology

FINE GAEL TD Richard ‘The Body’ Bruton has called for bigger incentives to encourage rural motorists to switch to electric vehicles immediately. “It’s vital to help ordinary people outside urban centres to avail of cheaper EVs,” said the former minister. “And with a general election around the corner, this would also enable ordinary governments to… Read more »