January 12, 2023 Craic & Codology

A DRAMATIC increase in the number of hospital overcrowding stories appearing in the newspapers has led experts to believe that the crisis may take weeks to level off. Said one Dublin-based editor: “The situation began to deteriorate during the weeks leading up to Christmas, but it has now become uncontrollable. Readers are spending sleepless nights… Read more »

January 12, 2023 Craic & Codology

DUP leader Jeffrey Donaldson has condemned Republicans in the United States for their difficulties in electing a speaker in the House of Representatives. Mr Donaldson claimed events in America were a deeply cynical attempt by US conservatives to plagiarise his tactics in relation to the protocol. “Clearly the GOP have noticed how effective my strategy… Read more »

January 12, 2023 Craic & Codology

Nothing could have stopped the advance of Phil Hogan towards Clifden in August 2020. Nobody anticipated newsreader Sharon Ní Bheoláin having so many variants of blue outfits. Varadkar’s mask slipped every time he was asked to comment on Nphet. Clusters of sliced pans were quickly removed from supermarket shelves within 45 seconds of word spreading…. Read more »

January 12, 2023 Craic & Codology

Absenteeism: Identify where Cabinet ministers are hiding during the winter crisis Equipment: Find out if Sláintecare will ever be taken off life support Examinations: Assess if Stephen Donnelly can differentiate between his arse and his elbow Obesity strategy: Investigate why the coalition keeps telling the public to get stuffed Beds: Government backbenchers terrified they will… Read more »

January 12, 2023 Craic & Codology

Leinster Rugby wishes to clarify some misleading reports that have appeared in the media recently. At the recent match against Connacht, the stadium announcer played a popular song containing the lyrics, “Up the RA”. The “RA” in question is a reference to the Residence Association in Ballsbridge. We wanted to thank them for their unwavering… Read more »

January 12, 2023 Craic & Codology

By HRH Harry Windsor-Markle Inc WHEN OH WHEN will this rollercoaster media frenzy end? After all, it’s not as if I actually asked to be fifth in line to the throne and the centre of attention. Take that time in Buck House when I was quietly doing nothing as per. Suddenly, William abseils through the… Read more »

January 12, 2023 Craic & Codology

IN HIS first major interview of 2023, the Taoiseach has lavishly praised his predecessor and one-time fierce political rival Micheál Martin. Speaking on RTÉ last night, Leo Varadkar said: “I want to commend the Tánaiste on the leadership he has shown recently in putting the country before politics and for providing reassurance – particularly for… Read more »

January 12, 2023 Craic & Codology

There was growing praise for Stephen Donnelly across Ireland last night, with hundreds of thousands of people demanding the health minister be “given due credit” for helping to relieve the country’s rent and energy crises. The calls come as entire communities take up residencies in hospitals as they wait to see a doctor. Many broke… Read more »

January 12, 2023 Craic & Codology

By Owen Goal In his latest press conference in the Middle East, football mega-star Ronaldo has promised the nation’s fans that he will “match the determination and commitment of this nation’s first superstar, Nelson Mandela” during his time amongst them. Looking tanned and relaxed, the Portuguese forward also assured supporters of his new club, Al-Massacre,… Read more »

January 12, 2023 Craic & Codology

REPUBLICANS ARE still reeling from the recent Speaker of the House election chaos, with senior activists now calling for an urgent debate on the future prospects for party unity. Insiders say that the voting fiasco surrounding successive attempts to install Kevin McCrappy as speaker means that the party will head into the 2024 presidential election… Read more »

January 12, 2023 Craic & Codology

With bumper tax receipts resulting in a €15 trillion budget surplus, it has also emerged that the current Government is surplus to requirements. On the back of cratering poll ratings and a never-ending stream of crises and in-fighting, voters are now more than ready to give the coalition the boot at the next election. “Neither… Read more »

January 12, 2023 Craic & Codology

Irish soccer boss Stephen Kenny is looking to downplay the growing hype around teenage star Evan Ferguson, whose recent goals for Brighton have led to calls for him to be named in the next Ireland squad. “The kid is still very young and we have to treat his development carefully,” said Kenny. “I want the… Read more »

January 11, 2023 Craic & Codology

RTÉ is looking to fill the role of director general, who will be entrusted to take the organisation forward in a challenging (ie cash-strapped) commercial environment. The successful candidate will assume a wide array of duties, including: Pleading for a licence fee hike Trying to justify RTÉ’s dire drama and comedy output Explaining why “star”… Read more »

January 11, 2023 Craic & Codology

Micheál Martin It’s very sad that someone who waited decades to get the top job was forced to effectively demote himself at the height of his powers. Although, living in obscurity and reminiscing about a short stint as the boss does have a certain appeal. Stephen Kenny Vatican insiders claim Benedict realised over a decade… Read more »

January 11, 2023 Craic & Codology

Politicians across the political divide have united in condemning the throwing of excrement at Ciarán Cannon and Anne Rabbitte, saying that TDs already do a good job of hurling crap at each other on Twitter. Muck-raking and rubbing each other’s noses in it are also in vogue on various social media platforms. “I’m already quite… Read more »

January 11, 2023 Craic & Codology

Leo Varadkar 2023 represents an opportunity to embrace a healthy lifestyle by exercising regularly. So I’m thrilled the polls suggest that I still have a mountain to climb if I want to stay in this job, let alone give Sinn Féin a run for their money. Dermot Bannon January is the ideal time to start… Read more »