March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

WHO IS this political meteor and doe-eyed newcomer who is set to rock Leinster House to its very foundations? Make no mistake, when the sensational news broke that the youthful Cork TD Holly Cairns was to head up the Social Democrats party, the entire country came together as one to ask: “Who?” According to one member… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

1. Does it benefit Them’uns at all? 2. Can we easily add the word “NO” before the new agreement’s title? 3. Will it result in a peerage? 4. Can we use it to stick it to Them’uns? 5. Was it signed on the Lord’s Day? 6. Does it ensure we are treated like other British… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

As the war in Ukraine enters its second year, news desks across Ireland say casualties continue to spiral at an unprecedented rate. “We lost poor Jeff last Thursday, just a week after he was sent to the front pages,” sighed one newspaper boss in the Midlands. “I’m afraid 2,000 words on the afternoon shift did… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

Leo Varadkar I’M PERSONALLY fast-tracking the reforms as this is something I care deeply about – and it’s certainly nothing at all to do with the Shinners. In the meantime, I’m confident the country’s media will continue to understand their responsibility in dealing with private matters concerning leading politicians… Thanks, guys. Shane Ross IRELAND’S antiquated… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

Maximum of 25 extra men allowed when team is defending last-minute free Fines and suspensions imposed if matches fail to end in mass brawl Negotiate deal with WWE and UFC for club championship coverage Medal of bravery for goalkeepers facing Dublin in Leinster football championship New hurling tier exclusively for Limerick

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

Dinny’s worried face says it all. Mercilessly targeted by bond creditors, he may lose up to 90% of his Digihell group. As well as being a devastating blow to his legendary ego, it would force him to get a new monthly mobile plan and would be a cruel fate for a much-loved businessman, celebrated for… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

FORMER NPHET member Professor Martin Comical has launched a stinging attack on the state advisory team’s handling of lockdown measures during the pandemic. Said the UCG academic: “Apart from the vaccination – which should have been 100% mandatory – all the other guidelines were a gross denial of basic human rights. “We told people to… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

• Tory-fied: The fear that fragile perishables might not last long • Boris Proofed: Heavy duty vellum paper used to ensure text cannot be torn up • Collinsated: Goods that may not be registered properly • Trussed: Passed through very quickly •DUP Brake: Mechanism by which everything comes to a complete and indefinite halt

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

Dear Dr Bertie, I sweat a lot after vigorous exercise. Should I be worried about this? Drumcondra resident. Dr Bertie says: It’s completely normal to perspire during the course of some physical activity. I myself will be running between now and the next presidential election. However, try keep to keep clean – I’ve been trying… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

Micheál Martin I wish Holly all the best but I would caution politicians – and especially my own party – against rapid leadership changes anytime soon. It’s far better to stick with a tried-and-tested leader who is slightly ahead of the Soc Dems in the polls. Stephen Kenny I’m worried this course of action could… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

Chronic: Developed over the last few decades, this mind-altering substance manages to slow down the perception of time. The result is an experience that is virtually identical to being on a HSE waiting list. Drone: Causes a feeling of lightheadedness and fatigue that is akin to listening to Michael O’Leary talking about unmanned aerial vehicles… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

Obviously, I have made a legendary contribution to Irish radio, starting when I first began playing U2 in the 1970s, which I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned before. I’ve always been keen to downplay my association with the band, although I’ve remained the first DJ to play all their new singles, even the ones that… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

Exclusive by all showbiz hacks “Who is the real Paul Mescal?” That is the question the whole country is grappling with, especially me after my editor instructed me to churn out another 1,000 words about the Maynooth star. (Great start – Ed.) With his Wikipedia page open, I feel confident I can provide some new… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

Ireland’s beleaguered health minister, Stephen Donnelly, has received a much-needed morale boost, following a vote of confidence from Chelsea gaffer Graham Potter. Said Potter: “Obviously he’s unlucky with several people carrying knocks at the same time but I look at his record and think, ‘Wow!’ The main thing is the crowds keep turning up. “And… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

NEWS THAT a Russian woman identified as an alleged security risk in Australia previously held a sensitive public position in Cork has been greeted with widespread shock within political circles here. Disbelief was the order of the day in Leinster House when it emerged that, at one time, Marina Smershki worked in the constituency office… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

Hand hygiene: All fingers should be pointed at Nphet Social distancing: HSE to keep taking one step forward and two steps back Long Covid: Tony Holohan still red-faced over Trinity College fiasco Vaccines: Government tried to ensure they were immune from criticism Respiratory health: Stephen Donnelly still terribly long-winded Masking: Coalition Government parties and Nphet… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Chinese officials have again dismissed fears that Chinese-made CCTV cameras installed in Leinster House are spying devices. One Chinese official laughed off the accusations from a Leinster House spokesperson, saying: “The idea that we would spy on your Government is as ridiculous as your famous neutrality propaganda that your politicians talk quietly about in the… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Electricity: Sparks will continue to fly in Fianna Fáil over who’ll succeed Micheál Martin Double child benefit: New payment to help clergy with love children Double welfare payments: Ministers to increase expenses to cover dinners in Michelin-starred restaurants 9% hospitality rate: TDs to continue drinking in sundry city centre watering holes Mortgage interest relief: Will… Read more »