March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

Chronic: Developed over the last few decades, this mind-altering substance manages to slow down the perception of time. The result is an experience that is virtually identical to being on a HSE waiting list. Drone: Causes a feeling of lightheadedness and fatigue that is akin to listening to Michael O’Leary talking about unmanned aerial vehicles… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

Obviously, I have made a legendary contribution to Irish radio, starting when I first began playing U2 in the 1970s, which I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned before. I’ve always been keen to downplay my association with the band, although I’ve remained the first DJ to play all their new singles, even the ones that… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

Exclusive by all showbiz hacks “Who is the real Paul Mescal?” That is the question the whole country is grappling with, especially me after my editor instructed me to churn out another 1,000 words about the Maynooth star. (Great start – Ed.) With his Wikipedia page open, I feel confident I can provide some new… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

Ireland’s beleaguered health minister, Stephen Donnelly, has received a much-needed morale boost, following a vote of confidence from Chelsea gaffer Graham Potter. Said Potter: “Obviously he’s unlucky with several people carrying knocks at the same time but I look at his record and think, ‘Wow!’ The main thing is the crowds keep turning up. “And… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

NEWS THAT a Russian woman identified as an alleged security risk in Australia previously held a sensitive public position in Cork has been greeted with widespread shock within political circles here. Disbelief was the order of the day in Leinster House when it emerged that, at one time, Marina Smershki worked in the constituency office… Read more »

March 8, 2023 Craic & Codology

Hand hygiene: All fingers should be pointed at Nphet Social distancing: HSE to keep taking one step forward and two steps back Long Covid: Tony Holohan still red-faced over Trinity College fiasco Vaccines: Government tried to ensure they were immune from criticism Respiratory health: Stephen Donnelly still terribly long-winded Masking: Coalition Government parties and Nphet… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Chinese officials have again dismissed fears that Chinese-made CCTV cameras installed in Leinster House are spying devices. One Chinese official laughed off the accusations from a Leinster House spokesperson, saying: “The idea that we would spy on your Government is as ridiculous as your famous neutrality propaganda that your politicians talk quietly about in the… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Electricity: Sparks will continue to fly in Fianna Fáil over who’ll succeed Micheál Martin Double child benefit: New payment to help clergy with love children Double welfare payments: Ministers to increase expenses to cover dinners in Michelin-starred restaurants 9% hospitality rate: TDs to continue drinking in sundry city centre watering holes Mortgage interest relief: Will… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Drug users around the country have expressed concern about recreational politics, with many pointing to its harmful effects, including giving TDs a swollen head and leaving voters sick to their stomachs. One user said it was time to “call out” ministers’ increasingly hallucinogenic statements. “I don’t know what the Government is smoking,” said the drug… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Micheál Martin FIANNA FÁIL has always set its face against gross corruption in public life. The scandalous revelations concerning the Shinners’ abject failure regarding their outstanding election debts have sent shock waves throughout our political system. On a personal level, of course, I find it deeply troubling. In your face, Mary-Lou! Hahahaha! Paschal Donohoe THINGS HAVE… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Palaeontologists striving to recreate living dinosaurs have hailed the return of former taoiseach Bertie Ahern to the Fianna Fáil fold as “highly inspirational”. Professor Ted Rex said the return of Bertie was “living proof that his DNA never died in Fianna Fáil”. He added: “There are many fossils out there that can be regenerated, no… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Off on important business to sun-drenched lands, our politicians go AWOL and leave the Irish public to fend for themselves. Leaving huge carbon footprints in their wake, they’re taking the Mick… but where can we find them?

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

ENERGY BILLS at Leinster House have tripled in the past year – and even larger gas charges are anticipated in the coming months. The soaring costs have led to widespread public resentment. “People might be shocked by the high electricity bill,” said an Oireachtas staff member, “but it’s just another example of the cost-of-living crisis.”… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Sources within Government say they are overjoyed that John Cleese is rebooting the beloved 1970s sitcom Fawlty Towers. Ministers hope the reboot, which is set in a chaotically run hotel, will provide the Cabinet with ideas on how to house asylum applicants. “Basil Fawlty is rude, arrogant and highly strung but, in fairness, he never… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

JUSTICE MINISTER Simon Harris has announced the scrapping of the controversial golden visa programme. “I want to make it clear that I would have personally ended this migration scheme even if my officials had not insisted on it,” Mr Harris explained. “And they in turn have categorically assured me that they’re not slavishly following routine… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Having announced his decision to not contest the next election, Independent Roscommon-Galway TD Denis Naughten has stated: “While it is flattering to hear myself described as a political visionary, it is more accurate to simply call me the most gifted TD of my generation. “Ever since voters started googling me five minutes ago,” he continued,… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

The China Syndrome Politicians go into meltdown when they learn that Leinster House is full of high-tech cameras that are not connected to their social media accounts. Hundreds of hours of histrionics are now at risk of going unseen. Castaway After a decade in the political wilderness, Bertie Ahern now finds himself back where he… Read more »

February 22, 2023 Craic & Codology

Enoch Burke Scots can count on Enoch to always show up for work and he has never been afraid to voice his very loud opinions. Setting up a new country may appeal to he/him but many fear his decision to ignore fines could prove disastrous. Boris Johnson Claims to be responsible for the growth in… Read more »