September 7, 2023 Craic & Codology

GROWING CONCERNS have been expressed about the rising number of articles highlighting the ongoing Leaving Cert grade inflation. “I could never have predicted this,” said a leading newspaper editor. “The 2023 increase in front-page reports is almost 8% higher than in 2019. “There’s now a real possibility that it could rise to 9% next year… Read more »

September 7, 2023 Craic & Codology

by Our Football Staff, Ed Itoverthebar There has been mixed reaction to Vera Pauw’s dramatic exit as Ireland women’s head coach. Said team captain, Katie McCabe: “Who could ever forget Pauw’s legendary success in single-handedly guiding us to the very bottom of the ‘group of death’ in this summer’s historic World Cup? While one coach… Read more »

September 7, 2023 Craic & Codology

Ray D’Arcy genuinely believes he’s God’s gift Marty Morrissey to be given lots of dreadful TV vehicles Anything involving the 2 Johnnies is a complete write-off Montrose desperate to cash in on Patrick Kielty’s fame Joe Duffy to keep taxing people’s patience Brendan O’Connor to declare his conflict of disinterest

September 7, 2023 Craic & Codology

By E.C. O’Nomist In times of crisis, we need heroes. Now, in our hour of need, Ireland’s Batman & Robin – Bank of Ireland and AIB – have come to the rescue by bestowing on us some wildly generous increases in their savings rates. Like Robin Hood these vast institutions, which ceaselessly work for the… Read more »

September 7, 2023 Craic & Codology

The Government’s gender equality committee has conceded it faces a “nightmarish” dilemma as it struggles to replace the ‘woman’s place in the home’ reference in the constitution with a more contemporary reflection. “Times have changed,” sighed a weary committee member yesterday. “Lots of women and families don’t have a home nowadays. But then ‘emergency accommodation’… Read more »

September 7, 2023 Craic & Codology

The coalition has sought to ward off surprise criticism of the HSE’s expansion of the free contraceptive scheme, which now covers women aged 27-30. According to health minister Stephen Donnelly: “Fianna Fáil have been keen defenders of women’s reproductive rights ever since it became a politically advantageous policy for us to hold.” While some within… Read more »

September 7, 2023 Craic & Codology

In an emotional TV address, Russian President Vladimir Putin has expressed his “total devastation” at the death of Wagner Group leader Yevgeny Prigozhin, saying his death “could never have been predicted in a million years”. “I have loved this man many years,” said a tearful Putin as he peeled several onions. “This is the most… Read more »

September 7, 2023 Craic & Codology

RTÉ’s SCOPING document outlining plans to introduce a register of interests for staff has sent shock waves throughout the national broadcaster. Some of the country’s best-known presenters immediately condemned the proposals as “unfair”, “outrageous” and “totally draconian”. The media minister, however, welcomed the latest “strict conditions” to ensure “as much transparency as possible” within GDPR… Read more »

August 24, 2023 Craic & Codology

Minister for Everything Education Simon Harris has sought to dispel rumours that Taoiseach Leo Varadkar is looking to provide any form of discernible leadership within the party. “These scurrilous accusations that Leo harbours any aims to maintain harmony within the party couldn’t be wider off the mark,” Mr Harris today told a packed crowd at… Read more »

August 24, 2023 Craic & Codology

Following the controversy over Garda trainee tattoos, the force has been rocked by the news that one cadet actually apprehended some criminals. This deviates seriously from Garda protocol, which says that officers are to prioritise sourcing All-Ireland tickets and dropping into the chipper for a free burger. “The trainee has now been sent home and… Read more »

August 24, 2023 Craic & Codology

Stephen Nolan Has received some criticism recently for how he handles tackles and there are concerns that his best years are behind him. However, he’s made promises that he’ll train hard to catch any opposition with their pants down. Kevin Bakhurst Unafraid of quick turnovers and dump-tackling opposition, this player wants to show that, unlike… Read more »

August 24, 2023 Craic & Codology

The World Health Organization has said it is monitoring a developing outbreak of feverish articles in the Irish press warning of new Covid variants. Said one scientist: “We recently detected signs that these coughing hacks were spreading stories over the past number of weeks, with headlines like: ‘NEW COVID VARIANT DEADLIEST YET?’, ‘COVID TO MURDER… Read more »

August 24, 2023 Craic & Codology

Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has expressed his gratitude to party colleagues for “understanding and helping” him and his partner, Matt Barrett, to acquire a more desirable level of privacy, beyond the prying attentions of a pestering public. “My colleagues have been very accommodating of our need for privacy by increasingly distancing the party from the country’s… Read more »

August 24, 2023 Craic & Codology

Still planning on taking a late summer break this August? Well, look no further than the charming cobblestone streets of Temple Bar’s famous ‘No-Go’ cultural area in the heart of Dublin. The area is well-known worldwide for sightings of fun-loving party animals (stags and hens) mingling freely with feral gangs of paralytic delinquents. Unmissable Highlights… Read more »

August 24, 2023 Craic & Codology

Russian spies, operating under the cover of fishing boats, have allegedly cut communications cables linking Ireland and Britain – and between Ireland and North America. The revelation was made by RTÉ director general Kevin Bakhurst in an appearance before the Public Accounts Committee. “Astounding though it may seem, it is the only plausible explanation as… Read more »

August 24, 2023 Craic & Codology

The Police Service of Northern Ireland was forced to apologise last night after no new major security leaks had occurred over the previous 12 hours. “We are still struggling to understand what went right here, particularly as everything was hopelessly mismanaged from start to finish and we followed all our rigorous procedures regarding the routine… Read more »

August 24, 2023 Craic & Codology

FRANK LAMPARD Track record of being a disaster in big jobs makes him a good fit for Montrose. Experience of overpaid egotists at Chelsea considered another advantage. CONOR McGREGOR As an opinionated loudmouth who frequently seems to not have a clue what he’s talking about, the MMA superstar seems ideal for the RTÉ daytime schedules…. Read more »

August 24, 2023 Craic & Codology

Micheál Martin As we prepare to celebrate the 15th anniversary of the bank guarantee, I think it’s important to remember how we in Fianna Fáil were responsible for saving these beloved institutions. Those decisions meant people went cashless long before it was trendy. Stephen Kenny Bank of Ireland is adamant it will recoup its losses… Read more »

August 24, 2023 Craic & Codology

57% surge in panicked articles about women in STEM 1 in 3 students to be asked to appear in photo op with Simon Harris 9% rise in third-level applications 100% increase in profiteering landlords rubbing their hands together over this Less than half of students remember sitting the exams 20% failed to identify Norma Foley

August 24, 2023 Craic & Codology

Ivana Bacik These abysmal figures illustrate how young Irish people are failing to launch their adult lives. And believe me, in my twin roles as Labour leader and spokesperson for housing, failure to launch things is something I totally understand. Holly Cairns Everyone calls young adults self-pitying. It’s so unfair. After all, finding one’s own… Read more »