February 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

SENATOR MICHAEL McDowell has again questioned use of the phrase “durable relationship” in the referendum to expand the definition of family. “Unclear wording that’s rushed through the Oireachtas is sure to be a complete disaster. And if anyone knows about bringing in disastrous laws, it’s yours truly.” Integration minister Roderic O’Gormless disagreed, saying: “The expression… Read more »

February 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

Kevin Bakhurst to Ryan Tubridy I know you feel rejected, heartbroken and betrayed And I know you wish that we were not apart But you had to be ejected, cos you were overpaid And like you broke the bank, you’d break my heart The GAA to SuperValu The day you walked me down the aisles… Read more »

February 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

Following on from the launch of Six Nations: Fat Contracts, Netflix has announced the filming of a new series about the Irish rugby team, which will document the side’s stirring Six Nations performances over the next few years, before their inevitable implosion at the 2027 World Cup. “It’s amazing to have full access to a… Read more »

February 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

Calling all failed asylum seekers! Why sleep in a tent and take abuse from Irish racists when you could enjoy an early trip on a Government-funded airline back to the safe, happy paradise you recently escaped from. • Re-live Algeria’s breath-taking civil unrest where terrorism and kidnapping flourish! • Experience again the thrills of predatory criminal… Read more »

February 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

The vape industry has called for a ban on disposable TDs, arguing their vacuous soundbites are having a detrimental effect on younger generations. “Studies have shown most deputies’ promises are a total smokescreen to get them elected,” said a concerned industry insider. “They have an enormous craving for power, a chronic addiction that’s only sated… Read more »

February 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

A devastating shortage of superlatives has been declared in newsrooms around the country as sportswriters struggle to gushingly overhype the Six Nations performance of Joe McCarthy. “We’ve ransacked every thesaurus within reach,” said one exasperated hack dismantling his shrine to Johnny Sexton. “If we don’t secure more hyperbole soon, how will readers know that Joe… Read more »

February 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

Culture minister Catherine Martin has voiced concerns about RTÉ’s plan to scrap the Toy Show The Musical set. She told reporters: “I would like to see a more creative use of the set, which is currently stored in several skips and wheelie bins in Donnybrook. “This historic national structure follows in the proud tradition of… Read more »

February 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

The FAI has announced it is confident of locating a football manager with the slightest interest in taking over Ireland “in the next short while”. The much-sought-after candidate currently helms an U11 club team in Micronesia and expressed his excitement to be working with the likes of Alan Browne and Jayson Molumby. “It has always… Read more »

February 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

RTÉ was facing fresh waves of condemnation last night as an entire day passed without any new scandal emerging from the embattled broadcaster. The worrying non-development saw thousands taking to social media to voice their anger and contempt for the station. Said one poster: “The silence coming from RTÉ today is an insult to every… Read more »

February 8, 2024 Craic & Codology

Dobbo ‘Brian’ Dobson Seen as a safe pair of hands, Dobbo’s vast experience of working with over-paid, vainglorious and often dysfunctional ball hoppers has seen his reputation rocket across football’s managerial market place in recent years. Watch this space.

January 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

There was growing unrest across Ireland last night as hundreds more asylum seeker protest stories appeared in newspapers. “This country can’t take any more stories of people saying they welcome foreigners but don’t want them,” said an angry butcher in Co Louth as he set fire to a broadsheet. In Wexford dozens of readers threatened… Read more »

January 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

Duties include: • Sharing some of the blame heaped on the Garda Commissioner • Managing issues with filing – particularly with the rank and file • Entering into the line of fire when required – especially when the media are gunning for us • Upholding the reputation of An Garda Síochána’s management – or what’s… Read more »

January 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

IN A sensational disclosure last night, a prominent homosexual member of Dáil Éireann admitted that he was a “practising member of Fianna Fáil”. Junior minister Jack Chambers shared his “guilty secret” in an emotional Instagram post. “While the media have no right to know what I do in public, I’ve decided I have to be… Read more »

January 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

World exclusive by Una Mullally The shocking plans for the redevelopment of one of the world’s great cultural treasures, St Stephen’s Green Shopping Centre, are yet another example of why Dublin City Council are completely clueless. It is high time the city had a special boutique quarter devoted to independent yoga teachers with a background… Read more »

January 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

The new year has seen a full-scale energy war kick off in Government, with each of the coalition parties locked in a battle to see who can do the least amount of work. The stand-off has seen energy levels around the Cabinet table plummet to record lows. “While the coalition is addicted to power, voters… Read more »

January 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

THIS TAWDRY reality dating show sees a group of minor celebrities pretending to be best friends. Behind the scenes, however, they are all secretly trying to screw each other day and night. This week, in a desperate bid to avoid being voted out of the house, Ivana starts shamelessly flirting with new girl Holly. Imagine… Read more »

January 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

An embarrassed SuperValu has moved to distance itself from Cork GAA after a potential deal for naming rights of Páirc Uí Chaoimh backfired. It is believed that a cursory perusal of recent results of the Cork senior footballers and hurlers gave the retail giant pause for thought. “We were only engaged in exploratory talks and… Read more »

January 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

London. I can’t believe that this humble Irish dreamer is working here – and living on the same street the Beatles once walked across. WOW. Being surrounded by such a rich artistic legacy is so inspiring. I even think a feature I did about parallel parking could very well be my White Album. Virgin execs… Read more »

January 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

THE LATEST Garda recruitment drive, which began yesterday, means that more people than ever can now join the force. Justice minister Helen McEmpty told reporters: “An Garda Síochána has increased the age of applicants to 50, proving that modern policing is inclusive and forward-looking – at least in this election year, when the Government wants… Read more »

January 25, 2024 Craic & Codology

Ivana Bacik He was a trailblazer for people like me, who wanted to continue lecturing at Trinity College while being a part-time politician. His knowledge of Joyce is second to none, although he did suggest The Dead was an apt description of the Labour party. Leo Varadkar His ability to be both fearless and absolutely… Read more »