May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

Taoiseach Simon Harris has said that his Government will “do all it can” to curtail cross-border migration resulting from the UK’s Rwanda policy. In a strongly worded Instagram post, Harris said: “Ireland will not be taken advantage of by providing a loophole for other institution’s agendas – excluding the US military using Shannon Airport and… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

By Hans Cuffed Gardaí are to be given “as many note pads and biros as are needed” when being deployed to scenes of protest and social arrest, according to the latest update from the Department of Justice. The unprecedented response follows criticism that the DoJ has failed to provide gardaí with adequate resources or training… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

US President Joe Biden has expressed his admiration for Irish Eurovision candidate Bambi Thug, saying the singer’s hopelessly mealy-mouthed approach to the war in Gaza reflects his own chronic inaction. Furthermore, Biden has suggested Bambi Thug’s ability to speak outside both sides of the mouth suggests the possibility of a US presidential bid. “Bambi Thug… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

Michael McGrath and Paschal Donohoe have urged their Cabinet colleagues to take a cautious approach to public spending. Their hard-hitting message comes as multiple promises were made at the recent Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael conferences. “Belt-tightening measures in the short term will combat the overheating caused by our last budgetary package spree, allowing us… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

The cast of the long-running soap opera, Dáil City, have expressed anger over their treatment, with many fearing being given the boot at the next election. In particular, Government TDs feel the electorate have displayed a careless attitude, with many saying the priceless entertainment they provide has been cruelly undervalued. “While critics have dismissed the… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

TAOISEACH Simon Harris has issued a whole-hearted apology to voters for the Government’s woeful performance in office over recent years. “I’m sorry if I get a little emotional here but I’m a passionate person and the one thing I’m most passionate about is not being blamed for things that happened long ago, such as the… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

Amnesty International has thanked Scotland for its timely intervention, which helped ease the suffering of a much beleaguered group. “The bloodbath experienced by the Irish women’s rugby team at Twickenham was shocking to witness. How the world stood by and watched such cruelty is a mystery – assuming anyone could get the bloody RTÉ player… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

by Our Secular Staff IT IS no bad thing, says education minister Norma Foley, that teachers in Catholic schools are now unlikely to believe in God or attend religious services, resulting in a growing shortage of staff to deliver faith-based education. Speaking on RTÉ last night, Ms Foley warmly welcomed the latest findings: “Ireland’s schools… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

Controversial ex-US president Donald Trump has emerged as the latest candidate in the FAI’s ongoing search for a new manager, with Trump’s non-stop controversies and debacles said to be in-keeping with the FAI’s modus operandi over the past decade. In addition, Trump’s yawning and apparent disinterest during his current trial in New York is felt… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Socially media personality and part-time Taoiseach Simon Harris has announced his commitment to deliver “like, loads of houses, yeah?” to the people of Ireland by 2030. Speaking in a TikTok video, he said: “If all of our followers give us a like and subscribe at the next election it would mean the world to us…. Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Hardline loyalists have reacted angrily to a new report estimating that Irish reunification would cost around €20bn a year for two decades. Interviewed on RTÉ’s Mourning Ireland, TUV leader Jim Allister said: “This nightmare vision would mean exorbitant taxation and widespread impoverishment for nationalists while forcing millions of God-fearing British citizens to live under an… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Having returned as CEO of the Web Summit after a six-month absence, Paddy Cosgrave has revealed ambitious new plans to limit his controversies to five or six per day. While the announcement has been met with some scepticism amongst the tech community, the combative entrepreneur insists the target can be met. “Clueless tech reporters doubting… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Tánaiste Micheál Martin has pledged that he will bring forward proposals for Ireland to recognise the state of Palestine, but not while Government TDs are risking their political lives on a daily basis. Speaking in the Dáil and looking even more mournful than usual, Mr Martin said: “While the tragic conflict in Gaza is terribly… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

How To Disappear by Dee Forbes Fascinating insight into RTÉ payment saga, which I had some experience of. Shame about last chapter being blank due to Dee’s failure to appear before PAC. RTÉ Pay Saga by Public Accounts Committee Definitely a rough read and not one for the faint of heart, especially for those of… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Climate change: Make a few digs about low-energy Leo Finance: Don’t bet on any progress on health or housing Justice: Blueshirts hoping Harris can bail them out Agriculture: Fine Gael keen to avoid reaping what it sows Education: Writing on the wall for the Government Social Protection: Only a few ministries to dole out Defence:… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

❍ Leinster counties to be given 15-point head start on Dublin ❍ Players to be given additional training in hand-to-hand combat ❍ Club championship games to go on double bill with UFC/WWE bouts ❍ Additional bars to be opened in grounds for bouts of lateral passing ❍ Tackle crisis of mass brawls (ie there aren’t… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Taoiseach Simon met a pieman, Going to the Dáil Smirked Taoiseach Simon to the pieman, I’m the leader of you all! Said the pieman unto Simon, Check the polls when you’ve a minute You’ll see why Leo called time on The job – to drop you in it! ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

by Des Perate Pope Francis has introduced the most radical revamp of Irish Catholic Church structures in more than 900 years. As a result, two west of Ireland dioceses are to lose their bishops. The announcement was made last night by the Papal Nuncio to Ireland, Archbishop Bunga Bacardi. Speaking outside a deserted cathedral in… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Football fans across the island were cock-a-hoop at Ireland player Megan Campbell’s extraordinary throw-ins against England. As one fan, Jenny Blinkers, put it: “The Sassenachs had no idea what hit them. She was throwing the ball 38 metres, every throw-in was like a corner. She’s deadly!” Writing in the Irish Times, Fintan O’Toole eulogised the… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Benjamin Netanyahu His ludicrous attempts to try and deny appalling acts of murder meant he would have made an excellent spokesperson for my government. He became synonymous with a pair of gloves but my hands are too bloody to wear those things. Donald Trump OJ started out as an American icon but ultimately became a… Read more »