LIFE AFTER THE PANDEMIC – BUT NOT AS WE KNOW IT
April 23, 2020 Craic & Codology
Fintan Tool Covid-19 connects us de facto to our primeval ancestors. Indeed, pestilence and the morbid fear of plagues have always been part of the human condition per se. Astoundingly, hardly any commentators have attempted to elucidate the long-term effects that this unprecedented situation will have on future generations. The self-deluding bubble in which most… Read more »
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RESTRICTIONS LATEST
April 23, 2020 Craic & Codology
The government has said it has no plans to impose restrictions on the amount of press releases being issued by President Michael D Higgins. Over the past few weeks, the president has released statements on Covid-19, John Prine, Tiger King, Daniel & Majella’s Road Trip and the return of Operation Transformation as he attempts to… Read more »
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FACE-MASK DEBATE INTENSIFIES
April 23, 2020 Craic & Codology
Concern is growing that Irish politicians are attempting to mask their deficiencies by presenting a different face in public. “Two-facedness is an epidemic in Irish politics,” said one WHO official in a stark warning. “Infection is rampant in the Dáil and TDs will attach to themselves to any journalist’s microphone or recording device. The only… Read more »
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STUDENTS ACCEPT POST-EXAM PISS-UPS DEFERMENT
April 23, 2020 Craic & Codology
Leaving Cert students across the country have welcomed education minister Joe McHugh’s decision to postpone this year’s post-exam piss-up and drugs fest until late summer. “In fairness, June would have left us at a serious disadvantage, what with the pubs probably still closed,” said a relieved dentist’s daughter in Arklow. The sentiments were echoed in… Read more »
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BEST EVER LEAVING CERT RESULTS PREDICTED
April 23, 2020 Craic & Codology
by Our Education Staff – Phil Boxes In an attempt to counteract accusations that the delayed 2020 Leaving Cert exams will be dumbed down, the Minister for Education today released a specimen paper to show that the standard was “as high as ever, if not even higher”. English: Higher Level (Multiple Choice) Candidates may use… Read more »
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GOVERNMENT READY TO GIVE YOUTH ITS FLING!
April 23, 2020 Craic & Codology
LIFTING THE RESTRICTIONS – EXCLUSIVE Following pressure from cash-strapped publicans, the government has decided to allow pubs to only open to young people initially. This will allow teenagers, who walked away from their €80 per week part-time jobs for the €350 per week Covid-19 unemployment payouts, to spend their spare cash in their local. Just… Read more »
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NO FAI DISASTERS ‘FOR AT LEAST SIX WEEKS’
April 23, 2020 Craic & Codology
FAI officials say it will “probably be June at least” before the organisation can begin providing “any kind of decent scandals or laughable behaviour”. Hopes were raised last week that the organisation had lifted its restrictions on blundering activity after senior-side manager Stephen Kenny attempted to ‘poach’ Dundalk assistant manager Ruaidhrí Higgins while he was… Read more »
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DOCTOR LEO SCRUBS UP AGAIN
April 9, 2020 Craic & Codology
With the HSE fighting to contain the Covid-19 outbreak, hundreds of former medical professionals have rejoined the struggling organisation. “We are grateful for any additional help. However, it’s safe to say that some returning staff are more welcome than others,” said one hospital porter, glancing across at a nearby Leo Varadkar wrestling himself into some… Read more »
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Ó RÍORDÁIN DISGUSTED BY LABOUR LEADERSHIP RESULTS
April 9, 2020 Craic & Codology
It’s a disgrace. Over the last few weeks one person has clearly proven themselves to be the future of the Labour Party – Leo Varadkar. While Kelly and I have been dithering over who should take over the party, Vlad has rolled out the most generous social welfare package in Irish history, overseen the public… Read more »
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HOME-SCHOOLING BOOTCAMP WITH KATHRYN THOMAS
April 9, 2020 Craic & Codology
The coronavirus outbreak offers a great opportunity to help kids develop new skills in a caring family setting. By following these simple guidelines, your children will soon be enjoying a magical learning adventure. 1 -Discipline Learning won’t ever take place without proper control. Above all, young people need to understand boundaries. While physical punishment will… Read more »
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HOW LONG WILL IT LAST?
April 9, 2020 Craic & Codology
by Our Political Staff Phil Page As Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil edge closer to agreement on a programme for government, every journalist in the country is now asking the same question: Will this filler piece about the new coalition run out of steam before it starts or has it any chance of continuing? For the… Read more »
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TV REVIEW
April 9, 2020 Craic & Codology
Keys To My Life (RTÉ) The great and the glorious of Irish life take a trip down memory lane by humbly revisiting their former residences. Highlights include: Eamon Dunphy returning to Lillie’s Bordello, where he renews acquaintances with the liggers who welcomed him home at night for many years. Bono revisiting the stable where he… Read more »
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TV PREVIEW
April 9, 2020 Craic & Codology
RTÉ has given us a sneak peak to some upcoming changes to its Home School Hub scheduling 11:10 McClean’s History Ireland ace James McClean examines the infamous Battle of Balaclava, which many historians believe was the pivotal turning point during the Crimean War in 1854. 11:30 Maths with Miriam Miriam O’Callaghan shows children how much… Read more »
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“MORE EFFECTIVE” FACE SHIELDS TO BE ISSUED TO GARDAÍ
April 9, 2020 Craic & Codology
In light of recent incidents that have seen people coughing and spitting at gardaí in the street, the government has decided to issue “improved” versions of face shields as an added deterrent to would-be spitters. The new face shields consist of a holographic visor capable of displaying one of several sterner faces. The mask comes… Read more »
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MORE CELEBS REVEAL WAYS TO STAY FIT DURING VIRUS CRISIS
April 9, 2020 Craic & Codology
If – like me – your cleaner, gardener and even your cook say they’re now unable to come to your house to fulfil their duties, you might feel stranded. Rather than embracing squalor, it turns out that rudimentary chores are actually a real, back-breaking slog! So don’t let the absence of your service staff stop… Read more »
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SHANE ROSS DIARY EXTRACT
April 9, 2020 Craic & Codology
Until now, my proudest moment has undoubtedly been the re-opening of my beloved Stepaside Garda Station – closely followed by the births of my two children. Now, in this time of crisis, I can proudly say I’ve risen to the occasion. I have repeatedly offered my services to Minister Harris and his reply has been… Read more »
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SPOT THE DIFFERENCE 3807
April 9, 2020 Craic & Codology, Spot the Difference
Kenny Rogers Leo Varadkar Famous for The Gambler Famous for election gamble Sang Islands in the Stream Shutdown Ireland’s industry Popular country singer Unpopular down the country Talented tennis player Always causing a racket Distinctive shirts Planning hair-shirt budgets Friends with Dolly Parton Only works 9 to 5
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RTÉ SHEDS REVIEW
April 9, 2020 Craic & Codology
RTÉ has unveiled over 100 individual ‘presenting sheds’, with the hope of preventing more broadcasters from contracting Covid-19. The plan is for each contracted RTÉ presenter to be housed in an individual hutch, fitted with cameras and microphones, for the duration of the pandemic. Food and water will be dispensed at regular intervals, with each… Read more »
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CARTOONS 3806-01
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
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CARTOONS 3806-02
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
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CARTOONS 3806-07
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
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CARTOONS 3806-08
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
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CARTOONS 3806-03
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
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CARTOONS 3806-04
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
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CARTOONS 3806-05
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
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CARTOONS 3806-06
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
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CARTOONS 3806-09
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
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CARTOONS 3806-10
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
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CARTOONS 3806-11
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
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CARTOONS 3806-12
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
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CARTOONS 3806-13
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
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OZONE 3806
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology, Ozone
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FESTY O’SEMTEX 3806
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology, Festy O'Semtex
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CARTOONS 3806-14
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
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VARADKAR READDRESSES THE NATION
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
Citizens of Ireland, Greetings again. You might notice the change in background of this broadcast. Well, I’m currently self-isolating in my Shomera. I have recently had it varnished and the fumes are still very, very strong, so I will be brief. Senior doctors advised me to cocoon, to protect me from exposure to more criticism…. Read more »
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PANDEMIC LEXICON
March 26, 2020 Craic & Codology
Covid-19: New respiratory virus; it is caused by a germ known as coronavirus. Cronyvirus: Sickening political practice where close associates are appointed to positions of authority, despite their obvious lack of qualifications. Self-isolation: State of near total seclusion, often experienced by RTÉ late-afternoon radio presenters. Shelf-isolation: Removal of all soap, sanitiser gel, pasta etc from busy… Read more »
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