June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Leo Fancies himself to be The King but is rapidly losing popularity among his fans. Eamon Critics of this crooner have been demanding a little less conversation and a lot more action. Micheál After hitting a series of bum notes, and known to be planning to leave the stage, this hounded dog looks ghetto-bound.

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Céad Míle Charges A group of naive tourists visit Connemara with the intention of looking at the world famous sheep but are instead fleeced from the very moment they arrive in Ireland. Contains scenes of price gouging and blood boiling. Trading Places A corporate highflyer (Michael O’Leary) is brought crashing back down to earth when… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Dear Mr Ryan, On behalf of American travellers, I wish to express my increasing concerns about the unacceptable 8-hour queues at Dublin Airport. These are seriously damaging Ireland’s reputation as an attractive and expensive destination. In my opinion, it’s time for you to do something. Hank Yank   Dear Hank, As Minister for Transport, I… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Do you get lost for words when the conversation turns to the state of the nation? Does your lack of insight into national emergencies leave you feeling inferior in social gatherings? Do you ache to impress others with your no-nonsense summarising? Let the Michael D Fast Response Card save your blushes!! Each card has a… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Ryanair could face a large increase in refund applications in the months and years ahead after customers travelling through Dublin airport came face to face with Michael O’Leary at the security desk. “He wasn’t near as scary in the flesh as he looks on the tele”, said mum of three Cynthia from Cork. “I was… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Following his inevitably disappointing end to the US Open, an exceptionally bullish Rory McIlroy has promised that he is “100%” committed to getting his excuses back on track. Despite being one of the best-known golfers on the planet, McIlroy has not had a convincing major excuse since 2014. “Over the years I’ve always produced what… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Following the Tories’ humiliating bye-election defeats, Boris Johnson has said that “now is the time to listen, learn, and try to desperately deflect with more guff about the Northern Ireland protocol”. “If this result tells us anything, it’s that voters are outraged by Simon Coveney’s ludicrous demands on behalf of the Irish government,” Johnson insisted… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Health: Public have fat chance of ever affording their own home Transport: Most people want this government to take a hike Education: Students to give Norma Foley third degree about Leaving Cert results Finance: Find out why voters don’t have a red cent by the end of the month Agriculture: Government to continue with its… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Economists have issued a stark warning about the spiralling number of cost-of-living fillers in the national media, with the growing spectre of ‘stagflation’ – whereby hacks stagger home from pubs after spending the entire day churning out articles on inflation – now causing mounting concern. “We are seeing an unprecedented rise in these stories across… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

There was widespread disbelief this week after it emerged that no Irish banks were involved in any financial scandals. The surreal atmosphere follows on from the decision of the Central Bank to fine AIB and EBS almost €100 million for their role in the tracker mortgage scandal. However, banking experts have warned the public these… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Irish poet Michael D Higgins has called on the government to provide affordable housing for all. Having spent the past decade housed by the state, the self-described ‘inspirational wordsmith’ lambasted the government, hoping to urge them to spread the wealth around. Speaking from the steps of his massive gaff, Mr Higgins, stated that luxurious state… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

FINANCE MINISTER Paschal Donohoe has hinted that Budget 2023 will be a complex balancing act, requiring “radical measures”. “With a cost of living crisis looming, it’s time to act,” said Mr Donohoe, “and like the rest of my government colleagues, I’m particularly good at acting concerned.” Those Radical Measures (in full) 5% cut in fuel… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Minister Catherine Martin is introduce an innovative new live performance grant, with the amount of theatrical grandstanding and scenery-chewing in Irish politics reaching an all-time high. It is believed President Michael D. Higgins may be among the first to benefit from the scheme. “Irish politicians provide endless entertainment with their hammy performances,” said Martin. “It’s… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

By Gall Cullen Public health experts have warned Ireland stands on the brink of another major crisis, as ministers struggle to mask their chronic deficiencies, particularly when it comes to the cost-of-living crisis. There is a growing fear that a “summer wave” of outright panic is about to rock government buildings, as the coalition faces… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Simon Coveney I completely support Ukraine’s application as long as it doesn’t endanger my future employment prospects with the august political bloc. The last thing I need is lots of competent, charismatic politicians snatching EU jobs which I deserve. Emmanuel Macron Some say it’s quite ironic that I kept encouraging Ukraine to make territorial concessions… Read more »

June 29, 2022 Craic & Codology

TRAINS BORIS JOHNSON Run on tracks Going off the rails Electric engines Shocking allegations Pull freight Pulls strokes Carry passengers Wanted job for Carrie Drivers on strike Driving division Numerous stops Always gets off