July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

Another Graeme McDowell Interview The way I see it, the cash…er, Khashoggi incident and the murder, jailing and torturing of people are terrible, terrible things. But for my money and as a mere golfer, I really do think such complications are best counteracted through a chip in from off the green or recovering for a… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

With an Avatar sequel due later this year, superstar director James Cameron has said the movie – set in 2164 – will depict the opening of the Dublin Metrolink. The infrastructure project has now entered the realm of sci-fi as its projected start date gets continually pushed back. “The Metrolink scenes fall in the category… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

Stephen Donnelly I would like to apologise sincerely for the many disastrous administrative blunders that have led to the ongoing crisis. I cannot overstate how delighted I am to acknowledge all my predecessors’ inexcusable errors which weren’t my fault at all. Paul Reid My decision to resign is based entirely on personal reasons rather than… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

by Our Crime reporter Hugh Dunnit IN SENSATIONAL news that has sent shock waves throughout the country, media outlets have been reacting to new developments in the Sophie Toscan Du Plantier case. Said one grief-stricken editor last night: “I’m shocked with delight that we can rehash a lot of old stories about dodgy evidence and… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

By R.G. Bargy and Sam Maguire GAA officials have confirmed they will be “keeping a close eye” on the deployment of Irish Army recruits to Dublin airport amidst growing anxiety around the upcoming All Ireland football final. Insiders say GAA officers secretly dread “serious conflict” if emotions run high as they did during the Armagh… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

Micheál Martin Has gained lots of experience leading a party who have absolutely no confidence in him and are constantly plotting to elect a new boss. Will have plenty of free time on his hands when he steps down in December. Graeme McDowell Enjoys working with unpopular regimes but admits that the Tories are in… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

The Department of Defence have confirmed that they plan to decommission a very troublesome vessel from the Irish naval fleet. The LE Varadkar has been dogged by allegations of leaks in recent times and the government now believe it’s only a matter of time before it hits the rocks. One expert said: “Varadkar has shipped… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

Garda Commissioner Drew Harris has given his solemn promise that he will personally apply his investigative skills to DuPlantier case now that a new review has been opened. Commissioner Harris explained that Garda resources we’re being efficiently allocated to get to the heart of the matter, with a new TV, leather couch and Netflix subscription… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

By Pat Squeaky Finance minister Paschal Donohoe has vowed that September’s budget will strike a balance between hopelessly inadequate attempts to address the cost-of-living crisis, and desperate efforts to revive the flatlining government. “We’re looking to create a bit more fanfare around budget day. We’re thinking about turning the whole affair into a festival like… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

European Union officials have expressed grave concerns at the terms and conditions of Boris Johnson’s proposed withdrawal agreement. The Prime Minister recently outlined a strategy that would see him exit the role on a phased basis, which Downing Street describes as “a process not an event”. This has prompted many hardliners within the EU to… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

Gemma O’Doherty and John Waters have criticised the dismissal of their action against Covid-19 emergency pandemic restrictions passed in the Oireachtas in 2020. They had accused the government of creating a draconian regime “akin to martial law”. In a statement issued last night, the two former journalists repeated their claim that unnecessary legislation had subjected… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

An overwhelming majority of gardaí have welcomed plans to install a new €13.5m logging and recalling system for the force, which is set to be rolled out nationwide in the coming years. “The fact that it synchronises data across all platforms simultaneously is a godsend”, said a smiling desk garda in the midlands in a… Read more »

July 14, 2022 Craic & Codology

Following on from the news that NASA has lost contact with a spacecraft headed for the moon, the space agency is also now unable to determine what planet the Irish government is living on. Many in the cabinet believe they are on top of the countless crises currently facing the country, leaving NASA scientists to… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

The government has signalled it will tackle the cost-of-living crisis in the budget, as TDs and senior public servants struggle to meet the costs of five-star hotels and Michelin-starred restaurants. There are even growing fears that some leading politicians may have to forgo lavish, all-expenses-paid foreign junkets. There are hopes that the restoration of the… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Cliffs of Mohair Rock of Cashless Blarney Stone Broke Skintkenny Castle The General Pissed Office

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

US President Joe Biden has vowed to “furiously avail of every platitude and cliché” at his disposal, following the US Supreme Court’s overturning of Roe v Wade. As several major US cities were engulfed in protest Biden that he will “not hesitate to continuing doing nothing” following the seismic decision. “On the bright side, the… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

by Philippa Column TÁNAISTE Leo Varadkar has defended his recent Dáil row with Pearse Doherty, saying it was simply a matter of “self-defence”. “I’ve always believed that some things are just too important to play party politics with,” said Mr Varadkar yesterday, “and one of those is discrediting opposition TDs in an attempt to win… Read more »