December 22, 2022 Craic & Codology

By Pat Squeaky An exclusive poll commissioned by this publication suggests there is a growing consensus among readers, with many united in their decision to start tuning out what this newspaper has to say. The most striking statistic is that an overwhelming 99% of respondents now find the IT’s right-wing columnists completely unreadable. “The least… Read more »

December 22, 2022 Craic & Codology

Brazil forwards RTÉ bosses are hoping their goalscoring celebration routine, with Roy Keane sitting in as judge, will prove a winner. Ryan Tubridy Shows incredible footwork in avoiding questions about his massive salary. Micheál Martin Skips brilliantly around housing and health issues; FF also consistently dancing with death in the polls. Seanie Boy Quinn Insists… Read more »

December 22, 2022 Craic & Codology

COMMUNITY LEADERS along the border have apologised “unreservedly” to Alan Dukes after accusing him of having gross ignorance and stupidity “in his blood”. The controversial remarks were made by several residents from the Cavan-Monaghan area in a recent RTÉ documentary, Mighty Quinn Country. Following a furious reaction nationwide, however, the contributors involved contacted the former… Read more »

December 22, 2022 Craic & Codology

Seán’s worried face says it all. Having made a complete hash of his business empire, the ex-tycoon now feels hurt by his treatment in a three-part RTÉ special. It’s an unbelievably cruel fate for a simple country fella who only ever wanted to swim in his mountainous piles of cash. If we don’t act now,… Read more »

December 22, 2022 Craic & Codology

By Eoin Goal GAA officials have been accused of “blatant self-interest” and having “total disregard for the wider community” following the announcement of tough penalties against anti-social behaviour and thuggery amongst players and fans. “My son lives for boxing and follows the town’s intermediate hurlers everywhere,” said a visibly upset mother in the midlands yesterday…. Read more »

December 22, 2022 Craic & Codology

by Phil Unis HIGHER EDUCATION minister Simon Harris has unveiled plans to end the “national obsession” with CAO points and transform Ireland’s education system “beyond all recognition”. Mr Harris told reporters: “My ground-breaking proposals will introduce a raft of degree courses outside the trauma-inducing points race in areas such as greasy-pole climbing, strategic career planning,… Read more »

December 22, 2022 Craic & Codology

Consultants will continue to nurse grievances Medics can avoid working Sundays and Sláintecare Education fund to include teaching government a lesson Stephen Donnelly’s career to be kept on life support Don’t mention the children’s hospital fiasco Anyone who thinks we’ll see functional universal healthcare is living on another planet

December 22, 2022 Craic & Codology

Brazil soccer boss Tite has slammed Roy Keane, after footage went viral of the ex-Irish captain scoring the winner in a BBC v ITV match in Qatar. The clip shows Keane celebrating the goal by taking off his top and jumping over a bin, before being dragged to the ground by teammates. “It’s over the… Read more »

December 1, 2022 Craic & Codology

Conor McGregor The MMA fighter has lots of experience dealing with the Irish legal system and would be the ideal candidate to drive change. His previous role of pinning down lightweights means he would work well with this Government. Bono Very popular with some members of the coalition and wouldn’t hesitate to tell them that… Read more »

December 1, 2022 Craic & Codology

Former president Mary Robinson has hit out at “governments across the board” for failing to address controversies surrounding the World Cup. Speaking to reporters, Mrs Robinson said: “Why oh why do they allow Qatar to sports-wash human rights abuses? Surely, it is time for a charismatic intermediary to sort out everything. “History provides us with… Read more »

December 1, 2022 Craic & Codology

(Dutch Tax Accountants Move In) Mysterious Ways Beautiful Windfall Even Better Grosses Than The Last Tour Stuck In A Creative Rut We Can’t Get Out Of All I Want Is Some More Sycophantic Reviews When Jared Kushner & Rupert Murdoch Come To Town

December 1, 2022 Craic & Codology

by Phil Boots Incoming finance minister Michael McGrath has again backed his coalition colleague Paschal Donohoe to remain as Eurogroup president. “Despite being a mediocre time-server, minister Donohoe can always be relied on as a safe pair of hands who will do nothing to annoy his European peers,” Mr McGrath said. “Over the past 18… Read more »

December 1, 2022 Craic & Codology

This organ, in common with many other publications, may have given the impression – through headlines such as: ‘Boring Bono Bellowing Again!’, ‘One Too Many Bonos’ and ‘Does That Pontificating Git Ever Shut Up?’ – that we viewed Bono with the same disdain as someone seeing a fly in their soup or even a viewer… Read more »

December 1, 2022 Craic & Codology

by Pat Chance There has been a mixed response to the Government’s planned gambling legislation, which is designed to protect consumers. “Most of our regular punters have welcomed these latest changes,” said one Dublin bookmaker. “They are already betting heavily on how long it will take the industry to come up with new ways of… Read more »

December 1, 2022 Craic & Codology

Sinn Féin and the Green Party have slammed Russia’s move to sanction 52 politicians from Ireland’s Fine Gael, Fianna Fáil and Labour parties. “Shame on Putin,” slammed Sinn Féin leader Mary Lou McDonald. “As Ireland’s most popular party, we take great umbrage at being overlooked. President Vladimir Putin is sending out false information to the… Read more »

December 1, 2022 Craic & Codology

Darragh O’Brien Cosmetics The ideal gift for the glamour puss in your life who wants to be as made up as Darragh’s new build figures. His expert formula is perfect for covering up a blemished record and paying lip service to major problems. Russian Holiday Package Thanks to Putin’s war in Ukraine, you and your… Read more »

December 1, 2022 Craic & Codology

A new study has found there is growing concern among porn enthusiasts over the consequences of following Irish politics, with many fearing the verbal brawling and constant back-stabbing are desensitising viewers. “It’s hard not to be shocked at the naked self-interest,” said one porn fan. “Then there’s the constant orgies of self-aggrandisement, riding the taxpayer… Read more »

December 1, 2022 Craic & Codology

After initially refusing to sing their national anthem during the World Cup, Iran are now pleading with Mick Wallace to remain silent for the remainder of the tournament. Having enjoyed a shock victory over Wales, the Iran squad are hoping to score another win by getting the controversial MEP to halt his commentary on Iranian… Read more »