February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Drug users around the country have expressed concern about recreational politics, with many pointing to its harmful effects, including giving TDs a swollen head and leaving voters sick to their stomachs. One user said it was time to “call out” ministers’ increasingly hallucinogenic statements. “I don’t know what the Government is smoking,” said the drug… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Micheál Martin FIANNA FÁIL has always set its face against gross corruption in public life. The scandalous revelations concerning the Shinners’ abject failure regarding their outstanding election debts have sent shock waves throughout our political system. On a personal level, of course, I find it deeply troubling. In your face, Mary-Lou! Hahahaha! Paschal Donohoe THINGS HAVE… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Palaeontologists striving to recreate living dinosaurs have hailed the return of former taoiseach Bertie Ahern to the Fianna Fáil fold as “highly inspirational”. Professor Ted Rex said the return of Bertie was “living proof that his DNA never died in Fianna Fáil”. He added: “There are many fossils out there that can be regenerated, no… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Off on important business to sun-drenched lands, our politicians go AWOL and leave the Irish public to fend for themselves. Leaving huge carbon footprints in their wake, they’re taking the Mick… but where can we find them?

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

ENERGY BILLS at Leinster House have tripled in the past year – and even larger gas charges are anticipated in the coming months. The soaring costs have led to widespread public resentment. “People might be shocked by the high electricity bill,” said an Oireachtas staff member, “but it’s just another example of the cost-of-living crisis.”… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Sources within Government say they are overjoyed that John Cleese is rebooting the beloved 1970s sitcom Fawlty Towers. Ministers hope the reboot, which is set in a chaotically run hotel, will provide the Cabinet with ideas on how to house asylum applicants. “Basil Fawlty is rude, arrogant and highly strung but, in fairness, he never… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

JUSTICE MINISTER Simon Harris has announced the scrapping of the controversial golden visa programme. “I want to make it clear that I would have personally ended this migration scheme even if my officials had not insisted on it,” Mr Harris explained. “And they in turn have categorically assured me that they’re not slavishly following routine… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

Having announced his decision to not contest the next election, Independent Roscommon-Galway TD Denis Naughten has stated: “While it is flattering to hear myself described as a political visionary, it is more accurate to simply call me the most gifted TD of my generation. “Ever since voters started googling me five minutes ago,” he continued,… Read more »

February 23, 2023 Craic & Codology

The China Syndrome Politicians go into meltdown when they learn that Leinster House is full of high-tech cameras that are not connected to their social media accounts. Hundreds of hours of histrionics are now at risk of going unseen. Castaway After a decade in the political wilderness, Bertie Ahern now finds himself back where he… Read more »

February 22, 2023 Craic & Codology

Enoch Burke Scots can count on Enoch to always show up for work and he has never been afraid to voice his very loud opinions. Setting up a new country may appeal to he/him but many fear his decision to ignore fines could prove disastrous. Boris Johnson Claims to be responsible for the growth in… Read more »

February 9, 2023 Craic & Codology

A number of Government TDs have been recalled by the Food Safety Authority (FSAI) as a precautionary measure due to the possible presence of “political salmonella”. The FSAI has been placed on alert due to the higher-than-usual concentration of sleaze and scandal in Government Buildings. The recalled deputies can mostly be traced to cheap, downmarket… Read more »

February 9, 2023 Craic & Codology

Are you physically fit? Knocking around town next week at any stage? Have you ever seen Rambo 2? Then you might be suitable for a career in… The Irish Defence Forces. Using the most up-to-date military equipment – or whatever we happen to find lying around the barracks – you can experience what it is… Read more »

February 9, 2023 Craic & Codology

TÁNAISTE AND defence minister Micheál Martin has decided that the time is right to replace the jet that flies the president, taoiseach and senior ministers on government jollies (surely “business”? – Ed). “The current Learjet is not just unreliable,” said one of Mr Martin’s officials, “but increasingly costly to maintain to the standards we are… Read more »

February 9, 2023 Craic & Codology

Thanks to Katie Hannon’s new Upfront current affairs show, RTÉ viewers will now anticipate Monday nights with great excitement/deep depression as she leads them on an insightful/depressing journey through the varied landscape/incessant cesspit of Irish social and political discourse. In what we have seen/endured so far, guests and audiences alike have been highly enthused/bored stiff… Read more »

February 9, 2023 Craic & Codology

I’m against all replays. No good ever comes of raking up the past when everyone else has completely forgotten about everything that happened. Bertie Ahern, horseracing pundit Everyone should be given a second chance, especially when it centres on a man being inadvertently in the wrong place at the wrong time through no fault of… Read more »

February 9, 2023 Craic & Codology

THESE ARE difficult days for the tech sector in Ireland. As companies reduce their workforce, a domino effect results in new announcements almost every week. Commenting on the latest string of lay-offs, one leading tech executive said: “This latest wave of job losses isn’t simply because multinationals are finding cheaper labour in low-wage economies, it’s… Read more »

February 9, 2023 Craic & Codology

By Gerry Thorny Irish rugby boss Andy Farrell has reacted angrily to media suggestions that it may not be in Ireland’s best interests to win the Six Nations. “We’ve certainly got plenty of experience of losing big games,” said Farrell, “but we’re saving up the major losses for the World Cup later this year. “Ideally,… Read more »

February 9, 2023 Craic & Codology

by Philippa Page IT BEGGARS belief that it was exactly 10 years ago that the monster hit House of Cards premiered on Netflix. Yet who could ever forget the ruthless antics of Frank and Claire Underwood? Certainly not my editor, who called me earlier saying: “Every other paper has a long piece about the show’s… Read more »

February 9, 2023 Craic & Codology

Investigators say a culture of ‘omertà’ may have protected a gang involved in incidents in which thousands of vulnerable nursing home residents in Ireland were repeatedly knifed in the back and kicked in the teeth. The investigators say the culprits are known to have been “working out of Dublin” and “for the most part lent… Read more »