November 2, 2023 Craic & Codology

2.30pm – What can be done to stop Paddy Cosgrave going on a social media rampage? 4pm – Is there anyone left to attend this year’s Web Summit? 6pm – Selecting Paddy Cosgrave’s Top 10 Worst Social Media Posts (Warning: May Not Finish Until Midnight) 10pm – Live reaction as another swathe of tech giants… Read more »

November 2, 2023 Craic & Codology

MARINE EXPERTS at one of Ireland’s top aquariums are baffled as to why a rare albino lobster is gradually turning blue. With its characteristic pale pigmentation and pasty appearance, this unusual crustacean – affectionately known as Mickey – has been largely ignored until recently. However, following an experiment in 2020, he was forced to share… Read more »

November 2, 2023 Craic & Codology

State agencies in Israel have denied accusations that they are inhibiting the delivery of vital aid to innocent civilians in Gaza. “The welfare of non-combatants has, and always will be, a priority for us – during the rare moments when we aren’t bombing them,” said one Israeli official. “We’re doing all we can to assist… Read more »

November 2, 2023 Craic & Codology

Ryan Tubridy: S33kingw0rk Croke Park HQ: G44G0€€€€€€ Stephen Kenny: S0S Paddy Cosgrave: Jum91ngSh19 Bertie Ahern: 9residentBert1e Simon Harris: S1m0nL3ad3r Mary Lou McDonald: CallM3Ta01s3ach Marty Morrissey: Fr33R3nault Leo Varadkar: D0ntsay1sa1d1t

November 2, 2023 Craic & Codology

THE MEMBERS of the Citizens’ Assembly have overwhelmingly voted to recommend the scrapping of the current laws criminalising people caught with illegal substances for personal use. Taoiseach Leo Varadkar immediately welcomed the recommendations, saying: “This latest report proves that the assembly isn’t just a hopeless talking shop facilitating the kicking further down the road of… Read more »

November 2, 2023 Craic & Codology

A SERVING garda officer yesterday sensationally claimed that he had no intention of retiring early from the force. “The law-abiding public has a right to know that I’m not leaving the job because of low morale and work-related stress due to staff shortages,” said Garda Mike Madeup about his shock decision. Justice minister Helen McEntee… Read more »

November 2, 2023 Craic & Codology

• Solo run Leg it for dressing room immediately after final whistle • Catch Supporters trying to apprehend you • Kick What you’re trying to avoid from enraged subs • Block Crowd looking to stop you leaving pitch • Forward The direction in which you’re advised to keep running

November 2, 2023 Craic & Codology

Scientists have issued a stark warning about an outbreak of bedbugs that is threatening to spread throughout the country. First detected around Kildare Street, researchers have advised that the newly detected strain, dubbed Fiannus Fáilus, appears to be willing to hop into bed with absolutely anyone in Leinster House. Said one local resident, Mary Lou… Read more »

November 2, 2023 Craic & Codology

European Commission president Ursula von der Leyen says the European Union “stands firmly behind referees” following an upsurge in the conflict between GAA officials and fans in recent weeks. “The EU will provide any assistance requested if the referees opt to invade the stands and root out the perpetrators,” von der Leyen said, adding that… Read more »

November 2, 2023 Craic & Codology

Are you looking for hot takes to enliven pub conversations? Do you want a new opinion on international politics, sport, Barbenheimer or last week’s GAA Junior B county final? If the answer is ‘yes’, then why not… ASK MICHAEL D HIGGINS When not doing boring, frivolous stuff like signing legislation and representing Ireland on the… Read more »

October 18, 2023 Craic & Codology

No one alive today is old enough to have witnessed Abraham Lincoln send his army to their destiny during those fateful days at Gettysburg but, make no mistake, this Irish team truly belongs in the same pantheon as those who sacrificed everything to try to prevent the assembled forces of darkness from triumphing. Their acts… Read more »

October 18, 2023 Craic & Codology

THERE WERE jubilant scenes of mass hysteria at Labour Party headquarters last night after current leader Ivana Bacik insisted that she fully intends to run (and, indeed, cycle) again in the next general election. The shock news came just weeks after sitting deputies Brendan Howlin and Seán Sherlock announced that they would not be seeking… Read more »

October 18, 2023 Craic & Codology

News Corp is seeking an editor to take over the Oirish edition of The Sunday Times. The successful candidate will have extensive experience of operating on a limited (ie non-existent) budget and in an environment where morale is on the floor. Candidates should be enthusiastic about platforming right-wing pundits and publishing anything they are told… Read more »

October 18, 2023 Craic & Codology

Montrose Studios Long regarded as the ‘home of the undead’, it has been claimed that the inhabitants have been trying to bleed the country dry for decades. “It’s a real house of horrors,” said a Mr Back-Cursed as he tried desperately to clean up the place. Oireachtas Mansion Loud noises and the rattling of skeletons… Read more »

October 18, 2023 Craic & Codology

by Our Entire Staff A SENSATIONAL new biography of John Hume has lifted the lid off one of Ireland’s most legendary political figures to reveal a hitherto unknown dark side. The book by Stephen Wallow, entitled John Hume: The Hagiography, challenges the popular image of Mr Hume as peacemaker, politician, Nobel laureate and the greatest… Read more »

October 18, 2023 Craic & Codology

With Ireland set to co-host Euro 2028, FAI chief Jonathan Hill is keen for the country to secure more major tournaments as it’s the only way the team are likely to qualify ever again. With Stephen Kenny overseeing yet another flop qualification campaign, hosting tournaments could be become a major part of the FAI’s strategy…. Read more »

October 18, 2023 Craic & Codology

Patrick Kielty Late Late Woe viewers are sure to break out in a cold sweat as you promise another country music special. They’ll also be fleeing in horror when you reveal this week’s special guests are the Fair City cast. Stephen Kenny Terrify Irish supporters with the prospect that you may land yet another qualification… Read more »

October 18, 2023 Craic & Codology

“Eat your heart out Shakespeare, the greatest writer in the English language has struck again. Surely no amount of column inches dedicated to this supreme wordsmith and communicator can adequately do her justice. Her latest work, perhaps her magnum opus, is… [That’s enough Anton Savage for now – Ed]

October 18, 2023 Craic & Codology

Senior politicians are thrilled with the general public’s response to Budget 2024, Government sources have reported. Some Cabinet insiders are even suggesting that it could stimulate a rise in the coalition parties’ dreadful poll numbers in recent times. “The fawning coverage in the Southside Times was everything we could’ve hoped for and more,” said one… Read more »