December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

Paschal Donohoe has not completely ruled out committing to the role of Minister for Public Expenditure. Currently linked to a possible bid to become IMF chief, Donohoe kicked for touch when asked about possibly fulfilling his Cabinet role. “At the moment, I am fully committed to deflecting questions about that tasty IMF gig,” said Rascal…. Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

The legacy of artistic genius that the late, great Shane MacGowan left us mere humans is incalculable. The unique talents of this humble genius, whose torch of creativity would outshine the combined intellectual outpourings of Joyce, Heaney and poor Beckett, existed as a shining example of all that Ireland could be. He shattered the mould… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

Helen McEntee’s walking tour of Dublin What better way to burn off all that festive flab than by visiting the scene of the infamous Dublin disorder. Helen, your ineffective tour guide, recently avoided taking a hike but she is more than happy to keep going around in circles for her party. Outdoor living package Ideal… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

The coalition has angrily denied claims by the Irish Fiscal Advisory Council (Ifac) that it has acted in a fiscally responsible manner. A Government spokesman claims it was as financially reckless as ever and has been pouring the taxpayers’ money down the drain at an unprecedented rate. “We can reassure the public that the Ifac… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

AN RTÉ current affairs programme has revealed how two shadowy individuals, operating on behalf of self-styled environmental and Government agencies, have been systematically adding to the country’s housing crisis. The documentary found disturbing evidence that housing minister Darragh O’Brien’s ridiculous plans to provide unaffordable accommodation beyond the commuter belt are frequently delayed by serial objections… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

WHO ARE the hard-core activists behind the recent riots, when violent mobs ran amok through the streets of Dublin? Dick ‘Chopper’ Blyton Thought to be one of the most influential far-right organisers. When he’s not on social media exchanging ideas about liberal, immigrant-loving lefties with like-minded people, Blyton enjoys a quiet evening at home re-reading… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

• Penalty: funding delayed over governance concerns • Goalposts: constantly being moved in relation to senior team performance • Defence: association on back foot over executive pay • Attack: sports hacks having field day again • Goal: to get through a 24-hour period without any controversy

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

Emissions: Do something about the steam coming out of Mary Robinson’s ears Land management: Greens to be dead and buried after next year’s elections Aviation: Find out how George Lee manages to get up everyone’s nose Renewables: Eamon Ryan to explain how he always drains the energy from a room Farming: Sultan Ahmed Al-Jaber constantly… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

Television fans across Ireland say they are “deflated and anguished” in the wake of RTÉ’s decision to reduce Fair City’s output from four weekly screenings to three. “I can’t believe it. I haven’t slept for three nights,” said a visibly upset barmaid in Arklow on hearing the news. “I knew there would be cut-backs coming… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

Either way, it’s out of here and heading for Brussels! These mean streets of Dublin have become far too dangerous and only one hero can save the day – Aodhán ‘Man of Spiel’ Ó Ríordán. He has his sights set on becoming a SuperMEP, so please help make his dreams a reality and keep Dublin… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

Josepha Madigan and Regina Doherty have sent shock waves throughout Fine Gael by seeking the nomination to replace outgoing MEP Frances Fitzgerald in next June’s European elections. Both women share a deep respect for each other’s point of view. Josepha believes that Regina is “a washed-up failure currently languishing in the Seanad, whose only claim… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

♦ Ka-ching by Francis Brennan ♦ Bad Taste by Dave Fanning ♦ How To Avoid Leadership by Jeffrey Donaldson ♦ Likeability Made Easy by Stephen Donnelly ♦ Modesty For Beginners by Mary Lou McDonald

November 30, 2023 Craic & Codology

Ireland woke with a sense of disbelief following the unprecedented scenes witnessed in Dublin last night when an entire evening passed without any rioting, wanton destruction of property or arson. Said one shocked inner-city resident: “I was left reeling after looking out my window and seeing no plumes of smoke or hordes of masked hoodlums… Read more »

November 30, 2023 Craic & Codology

CULTURED. LOQUACIOUS. Tireless trailblazer. These are just some of the words that came up on my screen when I googled “Senator Norris”. It’s no surprise that countless tributes have been pouring in to the country’s longest-serving senator, who will retire in January. Credited (by himself) as the champion of equality and diversity, this towering genius… Read more »

November 30, 2023 Craic & Codology

RTÉ executives have said they are confident the €100 trillion Government bailout will ensure the broadcaster’s survival until the next major crisis. Despite RTÉ being engulfed in controversy and on the verge of implosion, a spokesman said it is “committed to the highest quality public service broadcasting content, including The 2 Johnnies Late Night Lock-In,… Read more »

November 30, 2023 Craic & Codology

Taylor Swift Unlike Ireland, the pop superstar is set to play before a packed Aviva stadium next year. Rumours abound that perhaps her most famous chorus – “I knew you were trouble when you walked in” – is about FAI officials. Micheál Martin Currently heading up a ragbag group of journeymen destined for oblivion, the… Read more »

November 30, 2023 Craic & Codology

JUSTICE MINISTER Helen McEntee has obtained Government approval to repeal the Censorship of Publications Acts. The archaic legislation, which was initially enforced based on recommendations from the Committee on Evil Literature, resulted in thousands of books and periodicals being banned. “Of course, while the Censorship Board is no longer appropriate in the present day, some… Read more »

November 30, 2023 Craic & Codology

Reuters reports that high-level negotiations, brokered by Qatar and held in the plush surroundings of Dr Quirkey’s Good Time Emporium, may achieve a ceasefire between gardaí and the newly formed terror group Hanas, which is an amalgamation of three different groupings (Hooligans And Nuisances And Spongers). In return for a four-day ceasefire, Hanas has promised… Read more »

November 30, 2023 Craic & Codology

Sammy Wilson Republican groups down in EU-loving Dublin are doing the devil’s work yet again. God-fearing loyalists like myself, however, can clearly see that dropping the “R-word” and similar anti-royalist ranting amount to hate speech – and believe me, that’s something unionism is very familiar with. Micheál Martin Based on my nebulous shared-island idea, it’s… Read more »

November 30, 2023 Craic & Codology

RTÉ director general Kevin Bakhurst has clarified that he was “mixed up” and “completely forgot” he was head of the national broadcaster during a recent Prime Time performance. A contrite Bakhurst said he was momentarily confused and his role in the organisation slipped his mind. “It’s not that different to understating your salary by €31,000,”… Read more »

November 30, 2023 Craic & Codology

Calls are growing across Irish media outlets for the canonisation of the late businessman Ben Dunne. Amongst the many obituaries lauding the late shopkeeper-turned-gym proprietor, a picture has emerged of a man whose miraculous interventions single-handedly saved a crippled Irish economy.

November 30, 2023 Craic & Codology

• Examine why Green watchdogs in Cabinet never bark • Find out if Barry Cowen really wants to go walkies • Check if Jim O’Callaghan is still in the doghouse • Darragh O’Brien always chasing his tail with housing • Michael McGrath putting everyone to sleep • Simon Harris desperate to be unleashed