January 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

TRANSPORT MINISTER Eamon Ryan has said he believes the long-promised MetroLink, whose cost is projected to reach some €25bn, will begin to operate in the early 2030s. Speaking to reporters last night, a bullish Mr Ryan agreed that the line would be the most expensive infrastructure ever built and that it would, therefore, transform the… Read more »

January 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

Serious questions are being asked of Ireland’s politicians and well-known personalities from the worlds of showbiz and finance after not one name made it on to the list of connections with the late sex offender, Jeffrey Epstein. “This raises grave questions as a nation about our networking abilities at the top table,” reflected a worried… Read more »

January 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

Donald Trump has sent shock waves through the US political system after sensationally being included on a state ballot. The divisive presidential candidate immediately went on the defensive, accusing the state in question of being behind a vast conspiracy to return him to power. “This kind of outrageous decision shows the murky forces controlling American… Read more »

January 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

Super junior minister Jack Chambers has said there is very little common ground between coalition partners Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael, with both parties “swinging wildly between centre-right and far-right populism”. Shameless continued: “Another major problem is that coalition parties don’t seem to recognise my visionary political genius. You’re talking about a generational talent and… Read more »

January 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

by Our Legal Staff, Gill Tee IN THE ongoing inquiry that has sent shock waves through Spain’s sporting world, Luis Rubiales yesterday accused Jenni Hermoso of deliberately lining up on the winners’ podium in a desperate bid to be kissed on the lips by him. “Why-oh-why was Ms Hermoso so reckless as to have eagerly… Read more »

January 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

Best Disaster Movie – Helen McEntee’s unravelling career Best Makeup – Labour and Soc Dems trying to put aside their differences Most Original Score – All of Stephen Kenny’s shocking results Best Special Effects – FG pretending Vlad is still focussed on being leader Worst Special Affects – Mary Lou appealing to anti-immigrant sentiment Best… Read more »

January 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

Political hacks throughout the country have joyously celebrated news that a legally mandated general election will occur before the end of March 2025 – perhaps even in 2024. Meanwhile, there were similarly jubilant scenes reported after hearing of a large ursine defecating in a wooded area.

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

Paschal Donohoe has not completely ruled out committing to the role of Minister for Public Expenditure. Currently linked to a possible bid to become IMF chief, Donohoe kicked for touch when asked about possibly fulfilling his Cabinet role. “At the moment, I am fully committed to deflecting questions about that tasty IMF gig,” said Rascal…. Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

The legacy of artistic genius that the late, great Shane MacGowan left us mere humans is incalculable. The unique talents of this humble genius, whose torch of creativity would outshine the combined intellectual outpourings of Joyce, Heaney and poor Beckett, existed as a shining example of all that Ireland could be. He shattered the mould… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

Helen McEntee’s walking tour of Dublin What better way to burn off all that festive flab than by visiting the scene of the infamous Dublin disorder. Helen, your ineffective tour guide, recently avoided taking a hike but she is more than happy to keep going around in circles for her party. Outdoor living package Ideal… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

The coalition has angrily denied claims by the Irish Fiscal Advisory Council (Ifac) that it has acted in a fiscally responsible manner. A Government spokesman claims it was as financially reckless as ever and has been pouring the taxpayers’ money down the drain at an unprecedented rate. “We can reassure the public that the Ifac… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

AN RTÉ current affairs programme has revealed how two shadowy individuals, operating on behalf of self-styled environmental and Government agencies, have been systematically adding to the country’s housing crisis. The documentary found disturbing evidence that housing minister Darragh O’Brien’s ridiculous plans to provide unaffordable accommodation beyond the commuter belt are frequently delayed by serial objections… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

WHO ARE the hard-core activists behind the recent riots, when violent mobs ran amok through the streets of Dublin? Dick ‘Chopper’ Blyton Thought to be one of the most influential far-right organisers. When he’s not on social media exchanging ideas about liberal, immigrant-loving lefties with like-minded people, Blyton enjoys a quiet evening at home re-reading… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

• Penalty: funding delayed over governance concerns • Goalposts: constantly being moved in relation to senior team performance • Defence: association on back foot over executive pay • Attack: sports hacks having field day again • Goal: to get through a 24-hour period without any controversy

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

Emissions: Do something about the steam coming out of Mary Robinson’s ears Land management: Greens to be dead and buried after next year’s elections Aviation: Find out how George Lee manages to get up everyone’s nose Renewables: Eamon Ryan to explain how he always drains the energy from a room Farming: Sultan Ahmed Al-Jaber constantly… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

Television fans across Ireland say they are “deflated and anguished” in the wake of RTÉ’s decision to reduce Fair City’s output from four weekly screenings to three. “I can’t believe it. I haven’t slept for three nights,” said a visibly upset barmaid in Arklow on hearing the news. “I knew there would be cut-backs coming… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

Either way, it’s out of here and heading for Brussels! These mean streets of Dublin have become far too dangerous and only one hero can save the day – Aodhán ‘Man of Spiel’ Ó Ríordán. He has his sights set on becoming a SuperMEP, so please help make his dreams a reality and keep Dublin… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

Josepha Madigan and Regina Doherty have sent shock waves throughout Fine Gael by seeking the nomination to replace outgoing MEP Frances Fitzgerald in next June’s European elections. Both women share a deep respect for each other’s point of view. Josepha believes that Regina is “a washed-up failure currently languishing in the Seanad, whose only claim… Read more »

December 14, 2023 Craic & Codology

♦ Ka-ching by Francis Brennan ♦ Bad Taste by Dave Fanning ♦ How To Avoid Leadership by Jeffrey Donaldson ♦ Likeability Made Easy by Stephen Donnelly ♦ Modesty For Beginners by Mary Lou McDonald